tissue paper

You know what I hate? When I go to the bathroom feeling like my bladder is going to explode, I release and I look to the toilet paper roller and all I see is…the toilet paper roller.

Goddamnit.

So I have to get up, jeans around me knees and yell out the door “HELLO!! Is anyone home? Hello! Need some tree carcasses over here.” and nobody answers my pleas.

Then I go out, jeans and underwear around my knees and have to fucking hop into my parents bedroom (where, strangely enough, my parents store the toilet paper) and I run in with very limited motion to grab the t.p.

I hobble into the hall and see my mom going up the stairs and about to gasp “Wha…” as I slam the bathroom door.

Yeah, I hate when that happens.



So I get a phone call from my friend Kevin (fellow New Yorker) and he and my other friend Becky are moving to Red Hook, Massachusetts and they want me to be the third roommate.

First, it would be rad to have fellow New Yorkers in a town where, essentially, I know nobody and with Kevin and Becky? Radness.

However, my friend Stacey who is renting out the apartment I will be moving in to is ecstatic that she has a new tenant after her other friend moves out. Apparently, her apartment/condo is like a block away from “Drum Hill” wherever the hell that is.

Anyway, with Stacey’s apartment, I don’t have to go through a credit check, I don’t have to pay first and last months rent and my rent is considerably lower than what her managment corporation place is charging (I am going to pay $650 a month whereas they usually rent out the place for $975 a month. Wowzers)

Further, Stacey and Kevin and Becky all want me to move out east in February. However, Stacey says if I need more time, she can ask her friend to stay in her place until April or May.

So, it seems that Stacey’s condo might be the better alternative (a place ALL TO MYSELF!) although my high affinity and regard for Kevin and Becky make me rethink my decision.

Well, I have to make a decision my November. However, I am stoked though because I will have at least two friends to party with when I do make the move.



So, I live in California and amongst my friends, I am either regarded as the:

1. funny one
2. the smart/intelligent one
3. the one that is always right.

So whenever I say something, my friends here automatically take it as law because, really, who is going to argue against me and be demolished by yours truly?

However, other diary-landers have seem to come to the impression that THEY can REFUTE ME! I do not know where their collective delusions of grandeur stems from, but those poor bastards.

One of the diarylanders seems to think that Democrats are right Democrats are right Democrats are right.

Or the way he is telling me:

DemocratsarerightDemocratsarerightDemocratsareright.

It’s like, he’s trying to convert me to a faulty religion! I will stand agnostic with the Democrats versus Republicans (actually I have made up my mind but I don’t want to be bombarded with notes how he is obviously right)

My new goal in life: To blatantly expose this guy in a feeble apology and to have him give me cry for forgiveness.

Yes, this is a worthy goal.