Category: Movies

That’s not a misspelling. I would have rather seen a movie about 45, 90 and 180 degree angles than this movie.

First of all– questions:

*I get why an angel would fall in love with a person but how can person fall in love with an entity with no personality?

*Whose idea was it to use that goo goo dolls song? I used to like it and now I hate it because of this movie.

*Why are angels wearing black? Is that supposed to be a comment on the literature of angels where they are all dressed in white?

*Did Meg and Nicholas Cage consummate?

*What is up with movies/books where the couple consummates one time and then somebody dies? Is that a white people thing?

*Why are all the angels dude? No women angels?

*Why is falling from angeldom a mystery? Andre B said the guy from NYPD Blue fell and had a family and everything. How is that not news?

*Are there angels in other cities? What about towns and countries? What if you’re in a land-locked state?

Now, comments:

*Songs are way better than the movie.

*Cage is not swoon worthy in this. He gave a creepy vibe. Meg Ryan can have chemistry with a chair, but even she couldn’t fix this mess.

*I like that Meg Ryan was a smart doctor

*Why is the family at the beginning of the movie not aware about the risks of surgery? That’s a terrible hospital if they didn’t warn them or make them sign mountains of paperwork.

I don’t understand how I could be simultaneously bored and be asking all these questions simultaneously—but here we are.

Rating: John Lennon in that wife-beater song. Woof.

**Any movie where Andre Braugher is boring (not his fault, it was the essence of being an angel, I guess) is a bad movie.

This movie is trying too hard to be ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’ with it’s mixed human + fictional puppet people (I can’t tell if these are muppets or not? I think that’s the point) and being in mystery mode. Except WFRR is a great movie and this one is a hot mess.

Let’s do a compare and contrast:

Roger Rabbit vs Blue guy

Roger is a nervous rabbit with a hot wife and is a known star in cartoons. He begs for help from Bob Hoskins.

The blue guy is a grumpy guy and has a lot of stringy white stuff spraying around in a scene that tries to play for laughs but just feels cringey and desperate. The problem — this character is two (too?) dimensional. You know nothing other than basic stats. Roger, you knew him by his clothes, his voice, his energy, what his house looks like..etc. Two dimensional characters are so general and bland (lack of details that could be communicated through verbal or non verbal cues). Not enough details, so why the fuck should care?

Bob Hoskins vs. Melissa McCarthy

Is there any contest? Although it’s not MM’s fault. This movie was badly written. Unless, she actually wrote the film (I didn’t check). Her character was two dimensional too. See: Bridesmaids and Spy. So MM can act and she’s funny. Maybe she was burnt out by the time she was doing this movie? Who knows.

Not Enough World Building — You’re telling me MM couldn’t just punch the woman puppet in the face?

Doesn’t know what it wants to be, the tone is lacking — Playing it safe…wants to be a comedy, wants to be a mystery noir, wants to be not taken seriously but taken seriously. Either go all the way in one direction (Airplane) or the other (Who Framed Roger Rabbit). WFRR had mood lighting, it had mood music, it had mood locations. Happytime….did they just run out of money? It feels like an glorified SNL sketch that fell flat.

Man, I had a lot to say about this movie!

I REALLY wanted to like this movie. I really did but it kinda sucked. Mostly because everything was super predictable and there were like 3 bridges in this movie….and they were all overhead transition shots (i.e. to cut from one scene to another scene to express the passage of time). Chadwick was great, but he’s pretty much great in everything….but I was like, DUDE, I’ve already figured this all out 20 minutes in.

I was watching this with a friend and the first thing I said was, “This is kind of like that movie, The Negotiator.” He says, “Who was the bad guy in the Negotiator?” and I said, “The old white guy who’s supposed to be like the manager type (then J.K. Simmons shows up), —yeah, that guy is the bad guy.”

Spoiler alert? It really isn’t. The partner stuff wasn’t a surprise either. Nothing was a surprise. At least surprise me with all the bridges somehow. I was expecting there were bombs at all the bridges and how were the cops going to get to all those bridges in time before they detonate? Die Hard 3 a la bridges. Alas, there was like 1 or 2 lines on bridges and that was it. Or maybe, have at least, Todd Bridges in the movie and his nickname is 21 or something. Argh.

Rating: Paul McCartney singing with the Wings.

My friend and I are slowly watching through all of Tony Scott’s movies and I was surprised to learn that he directed Top Gun! I watched Top Gun when I was a kid, but didn’t understand what the heck was going on, other than, they were really oily during that volleyball scene. How they didn’t attract all the sand and become sand men is beyond me.

So, I tried to pay attention to this movie, the plot and such and I just became obsessed with Tom Cruise’s height in all the scenes. I don’t know what brought my attention to it, I just noticed in one scene he was at Anthony Edwards eyeline and in another scene, he was around his chin. Then, I started watching all the scenes where Tom Cruise is screaming. He and some other guy are screaming…while the boss guy is still sitting on the desk. Why wouldn’t he stand up and intimidate Cruise? I called bullshit and I was distracted with the height thing for the rest of the movie.

Also, if a guy sang you you’ve lost that loving feeling in a bar AND I was his teacher? I don’t know if I could date that guy. I didn’t buy that relationship at all. This movie suffers from what I like to call ‘Zack Morris syndrome’ (see: Saved by the Bell). Basically, the dude is an asshole but gets away with his assholery because he has good teeth and hair.

This movie had the most taking-off-of-sunglasses dramatically scenes I have ever seen.

I give this: Two Beatles…from the Love Me Do song. The simplest song with high crowd factor but no substance.

1. Event Horizon — I couldn’t even sleep with the lights on.
2. Thriller by Michael Jackson — I haven’t been able to watch werewolves movies since. I ALWAYS watch it behind my fingers.
3. The Babadook. It’s so good that I want to watch it again but too scared to do it.
4. Pumpkinhead — Lance Reddick doing Pet Sematary shit with his son. NO THANK YOU SIR!
5. Blair Witch Trial — children looking down in corners creep me out.

Movies that tried to be Scary

• Children of the Corn 3 — first scene…two teenagers are making out in a corn field and then the girl says…hold on a sec, something is poking my back…..AHHHHHH! It’s a severed hand! CHILDREN OF THE CORN 3 TITLE CARD.
• Poltergeist 1 or 3 — whichever movie that has the boyfriend of the older sister…there’s a scene where he falls in a puddle in the garage and when they pull him out, they ask where the baddies are and he says…in the garage…IN THE GARAGE….IN THE GARAGE!!!! *sobs*
• Birdemic — Was this supposed to be scary or funny? Like, go all the way in a specific direction.
• Everything after the original Scream. The original Scream was awesome for it’s meta-examination of scary movie tropes….then becomes a parody of itself. Should’ve just stuck to the first one Wes Craven (I have a feeling this is some studio exec’s decision though).

Honestly. If a guy in crazy joker make-up came to a television studio…do you really think they’re not going to call Security? Or even let him be interviewed and let him talk that long? Totally unbelievable.