Posted in Movies, Pop Culture

I would rather have seen ‘City of Angles’ instead

Why is Nicholas Cage attracted to Meg Ryan’s neck?

That’s not a misspelling. I would have rather seen a movie about 45, 90 and 180 degree angles than this movie.

First of all– questions:

*I get why an angel would fall in love with a person but how can person fall in love with an entity with no personality?

*Whose idea was it to use that goo goo dolls song? I used to like it and now I hate it because of this movie.

*Why are angels wearing black? Is that supposed to be a comment on the literature of angels where they are all dressed in white?

*Did Meg and Nicholas Cage consummate?

*What is up with movies/books where the couple consummates one time and then somebody dies? Is that a white people thing?

*Why are all the angels dude? No women angels?

*Why is falling from angeldom a mystery? Andre B said the guy from NYPD Blue fell and had a family and everything. How is that not news?

*Are there angels in other cities? What about towns and countries? What if you’re in a land-locked state?

Now, comments:

*Songs are way better than the movie.

*Cage is not swoon worthy in this. He gave a creepy vibe. Meg Ryan can have chemistry with a chair, but even she couldn’t fix this mess.

*I like that Meg Ryan was a smart doctor

*Why is the family at the beginning of the movie not aware about the risks of surgery? That’s a terrible hospital if they didn’t warn them or make them sign mountains of paperwork.

I don’t understand how I could be simultaneously bored and be asking all these questions simultaneously—but here we are.

Rating: John Lennon in that wife-beater song. Woof.

**Any movie where Andre Braugher is boring (not his fault, it was the essence of being an angel, I guess) is a bad movie.

Posted in Movies, Pop Culture

Happytime Murders — Movie so bad, you wish you were the one being murdered.

That was my face too when I was watching the movie

This movie is trying too hard to be ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’ with it’s mixed human + fictional puppet people (I can’t tell if these are muppets or not? I think that’s the point) and being in mystery mode. Except WFRR is a great movie and this one is a hot mess.

Let’s do a compare and contrast:

Roger Rabbit vs Blue guy

Roger is a nervous rabbit with a hot wife and is a known star in cartoons. He begs for help from Bob Hoskins.

The blue guy is a grumpy guy and has a lot of stringy white stuff spraying around in a scene that tries to play for laughs but just feels cringey and desperate. The problem — this character is two (too?) dimensional. You know nothing other than basic stats. Roger, you knew him by his clothes, his voice, his energy, what his house looks like..etc. Two dimensional characters are so general and bland (lack of details that could be communicated through verbal or non verbal cues). Not enough details, so why the fuck should care?

Bob Hoskins vs. Melissa McCarthy

Is there any contest? Although it’s not MM’s fault. This movie was badly written. Unless, she actually wrote the film (I didn’t check). Her character was two dimensional too. See: Bridesmaids and Spy. So MM can act and she’s funny. Maybe she was burnt out by the time she was doing this movie? Who knows.

Not Enough World Building — You’re telling me MM couldn’t just punch the woman puppet in the face?

Doesn’t know what it wants to be, the tone is lacking — Playing it safe…wants to be a comedy, wants to be a mystery noir, wants to be not taken seriously but taken seriously. Either go all the way in one direction (Airplane) or the other (Who Framed Roger Rabbit). WFRR had mood lighting, it had mood music, it had mood locations. Happytime….did they just run out of money? It feels like an glorified SNL sketch that fell flat.

Man, I had a lot to say about this movie!

Posted in Movies, Pop Culture

21 Bridges didn’t have enough bridges

I REALLY wanted to like this movie. I really did but it kinda sucked. Mostly because everything was super predictable and there were like 3 bridges in this movie….and they were all overhead transition shots (i.e. to cut from one scene to another scene to express the passage of time). Chadwick was great, but he’s pretty much great in everything….but I was like, DUDE, I’ve already figured this all out 20 minutes in.

I was watching this with a friend and the first thing I said was, “This is kind of like that movie, The Negotiator.” He says, “Who was the bad guy in the Negotiator?” and I said, “The old white guy who’s supposed to be like the manager type (then J.K. Simmons shows up), —yeah, that guy is the bad guy.”

Spoiler alert? It really isn’t. The partner stuff wasn’t a surprise either. Nothing was a surprise. At least surprise me with all the bridges somehow. I was expecting there were bombs at all the bridges and how were the cops going to get to all those bridges in time before they detonate? Die Hard 3 a la bridges. Alas, there was like 1 or 2 lines on bridges and that was it. Or maybe, have at least, Todd Bridges in the movie and his nickname is 21 or something. Argh.

Rating: Paul McCartney singing with the Wings.

Posted in Movies, Pop Culture

Top Gun (1986)

Incidentally, I saw no guns on the pilots — biceps or otherwise

My friend and I are slowly watching through all of Tony Scott’s movies and I was surprised to learn that he directed Top Gun! I watched Top Gun when I was a kid, but didn’t understand what the heck was going on, other than, they were really oily during that volleyball scene. How they didn’t attract all the sand and become sand men is beyond me.

So, I tried to pay attention to this movie, the plot and such and I just became obsessed with Tom Cruise’s height in all the scenes. I don’t know what brought my attention to it, I just noticed in one scene he was at Anthony Edwards eyeline and in another scene, he was around his chin. Then, I started watching all the scenes where Tom Cruise is screaming. He and some other guy are screaming…while the boss guy is still sitting on the desk. Why wouldn’t he stand up and intimidate Cruise? I called bullshit and I was distracted with the height thing for the rest of the movie.

Also, if a guy sang you you’ve lost that loving feeling in a bar AND I was his teacher? I don’t know if I could date that guy. I didn’t buy that relationship at all. This movie suffers from what I like to call ‘Zack Morris syndrome’ (see: Saved by the Bell). Basically, the dude is an asshole but gets away with his assholery because he has good teeth and hair.

This movie had the most taking-off-of-sunglasses dramatically scenes I have ever seen.

I give this: Two Beatles…from the Love Me Do song. The simplest song with high crowd factor but no substance.

Posted in Movies, Pop Culture

Scariest Movies ever

  1. Event Horizon — I couldn’t even sleep with the lights on.
  2. Thriller by Michael Jackson — I haven’t been able to watch werewolves movies since. I ALWAYS watch it behind my fingers.
  3. The Babadook. It’s so good that I want to watch it again but too scared to do it.
  4. Pumpkinhead — Lance Reddick doing Pet Sematary shit with his son. NO THANK YOU SIR!
  5. Blair Witch Trial — children looking down in corners creep me out.

Movies that tried to be Scary

  • Children of the Corn 3 — first scene…two teenagers are making out in a corn field and then the girl says…hold on a sec, something is poking my back…..AHHHHHH! It’s a severed hand! CHILDREN OF THE CORN 3 TITLE CARD.
  • Poltergeist 1 or 3 — whichever movie that has the boyfriend of the older sister…there’s a scene where he falls in a puddle in the garage and when they pull him out, they ask where the baddies are and he says…in the garage…IN THE GARAGE….IN THE GARAGE!!!! *sobs*
  • Birdemic — Was this supposed to be scary or funny? Like, go all the way in a specific direction.
  • Everything after the original Scream. The original Scream was awesome for it’s meta-examination of scary movie tropes….then becomes a parody of itself. Should’ve just stuck to the first one Wes Craven (I have a feeling this is some studio exec’s decision though).

Posted in Books, Movies, Pop Culture

The Martian — book vs. movie

I saw the movie first and read the book second. Here are some questions I THOUGHT the book would answer:

  • Does Kristen Wiig have a bigger backstory in the book? — Nope.
  • Does Childish Gambino have a bigger backstory in the book? — Nope. He also pops up and disappears in the movie, just like he does in the book.
  • Does Matt Damon really talk that much science in the book? — He does and it drones on and on and I’m like, get to the action already! I’m not an astronaut.
  • How about the ending? He doesn’t end up at a school. I actually don’t quite remember what happens in the book. I think…they all just return home and the captain likes disco….the end.
  • I expected more ABBA. Disappointed on both fronts in the movie and in the book.
  • Do we think Matt Damon lost all that weight? Or RDJ – Avengers – Endgame CGI?
  • Some award should be awarded to Matt Damon pulling out that metal thing and auto-stitching himself. I never quite believed it in Terminator 2.

Overall, the movie has high replay value. I don’t expect to read the book again because Ridley (we’re pals, Ridley and I) did a pretty good job covering the tone and the characters. The secondaries were wasted (except for Gambino’s trip…I was like…was that on purpose?) but the captain, the crew and Matt Damon are all loveable.

Ranking / Rating — (I haven’t figured this out yet, so I’m going to make it up along the way) Three out of Four Beatles.

Posted in Lists, Movies, Pop Culture

Favorite Journalism Movies

I feel in another multiverse, I was probably either a really good detective or a journalist, trying to bring justice to some sort of injustice. Well, I’m also extremely clumsy and I’m not made for gun chases– which is what happens in all journlism movies. Also, there’s always a scene with a multi-layer car garage. What is that about? Car garages sure do get a lot more action than the hundreds of car garages I have waded through. You’d think I’d see a shoot out or a deep throat type of interaction (i’m talking fbi mode) by now because the occurrence in movies is super high.

But, I digress. Time will tell who are next round of journalists are going to be. I think Lisa Ling will be one of ’em, if she’s not already.

5. Good Night and Good Luck

4. The Insider

3. Frost / Nixon

2. Spotlight

1. All the Presidents Men

Posted in Lists, Movies, Pop Culture

I’m losing my edge

And I swear, I’m not going through lady times.  I think the distance betwixt myself and my boyfriend is starting to bother me.  The last time I saw him was August 19th.  We went to a wedding in Napa (so awesome) and then he flew away.

Reasons why I’m losing my edge (edginess. Yes, I do think I have some ‘edge’.  Not to the point I can call myself “The Edge” but enough edginess to nick you while you’re shaving).

  • I watched Titanic
  • I watched Titanic and totally bawled even before Jack died because I knew he was going to die.
  • Did I mention I never cried the first time I saw Titanic (this would be my second viewing.  I always though it was too long to ever watch again)
  • I watched Love Actually
  • I felt really bad for Laura Linney’s character.  Paulo was hot! (And never realized it was Paulo from Lost till this second viewing)
  • I was obsessed with finding out if Alan Rickman’s character actually physically cheated on Emma Thompson’s character and read 123 posts about it on imdb
  • I was rocking out to “You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of” by Firefall today
  • I was tempted to watch Titanic for a third time today.  I opted for watching The Adjustment Bureau instead
  • I started crying to Sia’s song “Breathe” because it reminded of the Six Feet Under finale that I saw in 2006. That was SIX YEARS AGO.
  • I can’t wait for my next turn on Words With Friends even though I have like 15 games going on
  • I’ve watched 4 movies in the theaters in the past month.  One day, I saw two movies back to back. (Well, this might give me some edge back.  Watching movies solo is somewhat edgy)
  • I shaved my legs.  But I’m Asian/Pacific Islander and really have no hair on my legs but used it as an excuse to take a bath and pass the time for an hour
  • I haven’t watched television for 2 weeks
  • I ate salmon today. What a boring meal.
  • I haven’t had wine in like, a month

Ok.  Reasons that I am still somewhat edge and cancels out my non-edginess

  • Watched Looper by myself and bought a popcorn to eat by myself
  • Watched The Master by myself and DID NOT join Scientology although if I had an hour more of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I may have joined the cult
  • Watched End of Watch and cried silently so nobody would know
  • Well, I guess you know now, I just told you
  • I ran a half marathon on Labor Day even though I only trained 3 days for it
  • I limped all through Disneyland the day after my race because I didn’t want to waste my 80 dollar ticket
  • I was TEMPTED to get a wheelchair at Disneyland but DIDN’T
  • I purchased a 50 lb plasma tv and set that bitch up myself (using a furniture dolly to get it from my car to the apartment)
  • Traveled across the country in 3 days with 2 dogs and a tall boyfriend
  • I can wax without crying now (you think these eyebrows are naturally this way? think again)
  • I haven’t ironed my shirts in 2 weeks
  • I’ve done 2 half marathons and 1 triathalon in this YEAR alone
  • I’m reading The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons. EDGY!
  • I listen to Overtime with Bill Maher podcasts. Podcasts are EDGY!
  • I ate at Animal and had braised rabbit legs, chicken liver toast and pig ear
  • I was sitting next to Aziz Ansari and Eric from Eric and something show, great job. (Wait, I think that makes me non-edge. Anything doing with celebrities makes me lame)
  • I accidentally walked into the lot where they were shooting Arrested Development
  • Came in 4th place out of 40 at California Trivia Night (this shows how much easier trivia night is easier on the west coat than the east coast)
  • I posted a picture comparing myself to a rhino trying to be a unicorn
  • I went to a comedy club by myself to watch a friend, and actually ran into ANOTHER friend from college

Ok. Although my edge list seems to outdo my non-edgy list, I think each thing on my edge list is like 1 point whereas each thing on my non-edgy list mentioning CRYING, BAWLING or TITANIC is worth 10 points.

Damn.  Hurry up boyfriend and get to California.  I’m starting to become a lame-ass girlfriend who may become needy. NOOOOOOO!!!!!! I mean, I’m starting to watch sad movies with romance in it. I’m like two steps away from watching something with Kate Hudson in it.

Posted in Movies, Nonsensical, Pop Culture

complexity a la Amelie

I like listening to French movies right before I go to sleep.

I dislike when the driver in a movie is not looking at the road.

I like getting my hair shampooed by another person

I dislike getting my hair blown dried by another person

I like the taste of water after taking a hip hop class

I dislike when a person blocks you when you are trying to follow the hip hop instructor but you cannot move to a different spot because you are surrounded by people hence, you have to copy a person in front of you who doesn’t do the routine as well but you need to know enough to get by in the routine.

I like parking far away in a parking lot so I have to walk a bit to the store.

I dislike having to carry groceries to my far parked car because I forgot I would be carrying something back to my car.

I like when Nyquil hits you and can barely keep your eyes open

I dislike only being able to breathe through one nostril and the nostril you cannot breathe out of, is running.

I like the smell of a girl’s hair after she gets out of a shower

I dislike the smell hot garbage.

I like to think (a la Amelie) how many people are having sex at this very moment

I dislike thinking how many are having sex because they are cheating on a significant other

I like the way I smile in pictures

I dislike how I cannot NOT smile in pictures without looking like a retard.

I like the look of fear on Mulder’s face

I dislike that the show the X-files storyline dissipated when Mulder left.

I like having a boy’s leg around me when in bed.

I dislike having a boy’s arm around me in bed because I can’t move (although the thought is extremely nice)

I dislike people who ask if “i’m sure.” more than once (i.e. are you sure? are you sure? YES I’M SURE!)

I like receiving a wedding invitation from a childhood friend

I like to suck and chew on ice

I dislike feeling a chip on a tooth on my right

I like eating chicken nuggets with the skin around it first, then taking off the top and then the bottom and saving the leftover meat for last.

I dislike the calorie contents in nuggets

I like cold soggy fries

I dislike when you leave fries at home and everyone eats it and what you have left are the leftover two or three fries at the bottom of the bag.

I like to do around the world on the step when I am doing step aerobics

I dislike that when you are too tired on the step, you tend to go the wrong way

I like watching the people in the front of the hip hop class give it their all with the new hip hop routine

I dislike looking at myself in the mirror while doing a routine

I like to beat out drum beats along the sides of a treadmill

I dislike when the treadmill needs your heart rate in order for you to do the fat burner program

I like to laugh so hard that I cannot tell a story that I think is funny

I dislike when people think my laugh is too loud

I like the sudden death overtime in hockey

I dislike it when a hat is worn backwards

I like getting those sleep marks on your face

I dislike waking up in the morning and my nose is itchy

I like being so engrossed in a book that you find you spent the last 4 hours reading

I dislike being interrupted by a phone call when reading an engrossing book where in another instance, you would have welcomed the call

I like making my lists of likes

I dislike that I know I have better ones and it will have to wait for next time. (the nyquil is taking effect)

Watch Amelie for better idiosyncracies.