My ex-boyfriend’s mother decided to email me a week ago. There are two things interesting about this email:
- She made all these assumptions without speaking more than two words to me. I always say this but I’m ok with you hating me if you actually MET me.
- I don’t understand the hostility.
- I don’t know what she thought she would accomplish with this email. That I would silently cry to sleep? Or that I would lash back, when I really don’t know anything about her nor would she even read my words. So, I decided to post on facebook. Might as well let it all hang out. Majority of my friends know that she just doesn’t like me and I’ve accepted that as my destiny.
hokey.pxxxx@ 5:43 PM (1 hour ago)to me
Needless to say, I am aware of the latest addition of the disastrous debacle relating to your job firing from [TV company]
Well. First of all, this sentence doesn’t make sense. The latest addition to my debacle? My debacle relating to my job firing? So, that means I have a debacle, which is disastrous by the way. And it’s cousins with my job firing. But there are additions to this debacle and I think they are related to my lay-off.
FACT CHECK: I, along with 700ish other people got laid off NOT fired. Fired assumes that we did our job wrong and will not get severance. I wonder if I sent this comment to the entire department (yes, myself and an ENTIRE department was laid off), if they would take this criticism well?
https://variety.com/2020/tv/news/warnermedia-layoffs-warner-brothers-hbo-1234729976/
Spurred by my disgust and anger, I feel compelled to speak up.
This is something I saw on the Sopranos. Tony’s mom was always trying to get some ‘negative attention getting.’ When I’m disgusted and angry, I feel like vomiting. When it spurs me though, I actually vomit. But what I’m reading is….’before I vomit, I will compel myself to speak up.’
FACT CHECK: My ex and I dated for nearly 13 years. And in those 13 years, she has never felt compelled to speak up, she dumps it on my ex. Sooo…basically, she felt compelled to try to kick me while I’m down so I don’t have the energy to respond? I wasn’t sad though, I didn’t mind the lay-off. I need a break from corporate culture, so I was actually relieved. What she REALLY wanted is to be so hostile to me, so I wouldn’t think about getting back together with him OR for me to run to my ex and tattle on her so he is forced to communicate with her (I think they had a fight or something).
What I actually did is encourage him to get his own place and if he was interested in being in a relationship, I expect to be wooed by an adult man or Hugh Jackman. Whichever choice is available.
This firing came as no surprise. You have used every possible excuse, and various causes to milk [company] of their good intentions to help you. As I see it, you just wanted to stay home, sit on the couch and still get paid. That is still your objective. I predicted they would find a way to get rid of you. You were a problematic employee costing them money and leadership issues—TROUBLE with a capital T.
The person who wrote this was a music teacher in Maine. She has had the same job for decades and decades and decades. I simply cannot do that. There so many interesting mysteries and problems in the world that I want to experience. My resume and experience reflects that. I wanted to learn about post production, so I’ve pretty much done every single job in post production except run my own shop. I’ve been the post supervisor, phone support, project engineer, workflow consultant, trainer, project manager, technical advisor and subject matter expert to almost every network in the United States. She has complained to my ex that I’m merely a job-hopper who can’t keep a job. But, really, I get hired away constantly. I’m going to go where the package says ‘we acknowledge your talent, come work with us.’ In fact, I’ve received 5 job offers since I was laid off and I wasn’t even looking for a job! I actually declined all of them to work on writing for the rest of the year.
FACT CHECK: I actually tried to quit, not once, not twice but three times. My really awesome company said ‘Nope. You’re self-sabotaging, we’re going to get you help.’ I’m very lucky that this is inline with the mental health era where companies are actually starting to understand that you will make more money and better productivity if you check on your employees health from time to time. They got me help and when I returned, my was able to grow my team twice it size, finish a 90 page SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) and prepare a work at home environment. I could’ve just went to work everyday and stared at facebook and sent text messages during meetings. Instead, the investment into my mental health rewarded them with a highly engaged employee who was passionate about efficient workflows.
One can always pay for a sympathetic therapist to agree with you. It won’t help you, however.I have lost count of your job changes since [ex-boyfriend] has been with you. Guessing it might be 9. He has followed you from job to job, city to city and coast to coast all contributing to a financial calamity of expenses, over spending, unpaid bills.
The writer of this email OBVIOUSLY does not believe in healing power of psychotherapy. My only comment is, if she did have a therapist, she may have not sent this email. Maybe she could’ve called.
FACT CHECK: Dude, I have had WAY MORE than 9 jobs. My LinkedIn profile has more than 40 recommendations from all those jobs. I see it as a strength though, not weakness. Also, living in different areas of the country was pretty awesome. I think the South gets a bad rap, I think Massachusetts has the smartest and funniest people in America but they also have the most racist and elitist people too. (Side story: I had an argument with a Massachusetts bred gentlemen about baseball. I said Trevor Hoffman was a lights out pitcher, this gentlemen said the Hoff must be a terrible pitcher. I said, ‘no, lights out is you’re so good, that you turn off the lights and the game is over.’ He said ‘no, lights out means you’re terrible and the batters are hitting balls that are so high and gone, they are knocking out the light bulbs.’ I said that was a Disney movie and to google it. He refused to google. Elitist. Sigh.
I think the average time you have spent in a job is about a year and a half. Then as you stated in one of your face book rants, you get BORED and can’t imagine why you are unappreciated. BUT in your boredom, you plan another trip, another cruise, maybe cross Atlantic, or NZ, or Alaska all with money you don’t have or more specifically, what [ex-boyfriend] doesn’t have.
The average time is actually 2-3 years. I can’t help it if another company comes along with better salary or benefits. Or if that company will MOVE YOU ACROSS THE COUNTRY to one of the biggest cities in the country. I would be an idiot to not even consider the offers that come by. I don’t even know how she saw any of my facebook posts (find out later, cousin of ex-boyfriend read my posts to her over the phone. Talk about a shit stirrer. Promptly unfriended).
FACT CHECK: It’s true, I do get bored. I guess that’s a bad thing but for me, I’m just curious about EVERYTHING. I’m obsessed with perspective, experience, and different realities. I’m one of those people, when I’m on the freeway, I look at the other cars and wonder about all those peoples’ lives. What are they thinking? Where are they going? Is that guy picking his nose? But, I digress. It’s also true my ex and I went to vacations to NZ, Alaska and across the Atlantic. It is also true that my ex didn’t have any money during these trips — I did. I was bankrolling us for awhile when I was a freelancer. Sometimes I would get these 60 day jobs and I would get a big paycheck. What am I going to do with that paycheck? I’m going to effing New Zealand and check out Hobbiton. Or that cruise across the Atlantic (which drops us off at our doorstep in New York? Yes, please). I work hard, so I’m going to play hard as well.
By the way, since we are on the subject of face book, I have never read such a bunch of crap, such a bunch of shit and such a bunch of crazy ramblings. Why do you think people care??? MY analysis is that you want attention, and you want people to feel sorry for you. The feed back you are getting is misplaced because you are NOT smart or clever, except when it comes to capitalizing on the ME TOO movement.
Again, how did she read all this? I wonder how long she’s been reading this? Oh well. Yes, I may have crazy rambling and a bunch of shit, but it’s my shit that I’m sharing with my friends. If they weren’t my friends, I wouldn’t be sharing in the first place. And after a lot of these crazy post ramblings, I get a whole lot of email and texts about how much my friends care. They don’t have to do that.
FACT CHECK: Why do I think people care? Uh….because they told me and I don’t have any reason to not believe them. I didn’t ask for this white woman’s analysis but here she is, giving it to me. Anybody who is my friend knows the LAST thing I want is for people to feel sorry for me. I actually get angry if any of them did feel sorry for me. I guess I get a lot of feedback that I’m smart or clever because Hokey specifically calls out that I am NOT smart or clever.
Also, how does somebody capitalize on the Me Too movement? What am I getting paid for? Because if I was getting paid, I would started me-tooing in college, cause I got some college loans I need to pay off.
Now you’ve moved on to racism, sexism and white supremacy blaming all of them for yourlack of achievement. How convenient. Now you can sit on the couch and read books,lots of books and collect unemployment.
This is a loaded statement, coming from a teacher in Maine. I don’t say this disparagingly but how do you know if you never worked in a corporate environment where those aforementioned societal ills are present? She did say that ‘America is losing its white identity!’ Is she talking about plantations and colonization of other people? I’m not sure if that’s the kind of identity I would want hanging around.
Also, I never thought I had lacked any sort of achievement. In fact, I think I’m quite the opposite, I have a lot of achievement. I have my own apartment, a dog, I got to work at all the television places and I have great friends. That is achievement city. To go from poverty to firm middle class, that is harder than anybody shows on any television program or film.
FACT CHECK: Yes, I will read books. Lots of books! This is probably the most factual sentence in this email. But, I have never collected unemployment in my life (I didn’t even know you could do that!). I don’t think unemployment is the same as severance, so this statement is straight up incorrect.
I think money is your big motivator and since [ex] was tapped out, you were looking for another alternative which you didn’t find. My observation is that you need to BULLY, CONTROL, HELICOPTER, and have a lackey to do your bidding.
Money is a big motivator, yes. It’s not my only motivator though. I don’t know why she’s so obsessed with money since I’m paying for all the vacations and paying my own rent. My ex is the one living with relatives.
FACT CHECK: I don’t know what she’s observing since this woman has refused to meet me. If bully, control and helicoptering means that I like to have my alone time and lots of space, then yes, I guess I do all those things? But, I don’t think that’s what that means. Also, this assumes that my ex is a robot that cannot make decisions or choices about his life. If somebody was bullying, controlling and helicoptering me, I would ghost with a quickness.
[Ex] recently told me that it was an ABUSIVE relationship.
FACT CHECK: Good thing I broke up with him…. a year and a half ago!
Apparently, he’s put that aside. Unbelievable..Hopefully, he’ll do the right thing.
Versus the left thing?
FACT CHECK: This is referring to the fact that I let my ex stay at my apartment for several months due to COVID status. He did a job in NY and his relatives in CT asked for him to stay in NJ. So, I think what this says is that he’s put the abusive relationship (that I eneded) aside to voluntarily stay with me, because he asked me to? Must be those observing glasses previously mentioned.
I see you as self-indulgent, self-absorbed, lazy, and money hungry and oh, an unrealistic dreamer of a pipe dreams not grounded in reality.Chad is NOT your keeper, or your care giver or your sugar daddy. He owes you NOTHING.
These characteristics may all be true but I don’t care! I never forced anybody to like me because it’s too exhausting (laziness). I do buy myself presents and food (self-indulgent). I may have super absorbent underwear (self-absorbed) and money hungry. Hmmm. I do want to be paid my worth in talent and experience…if that’s money hungry, then I’m ready to eat.
FACT CHECK: Ex is too busy being on the road to be any of those things. I WISH he was my sugar daddy! How do I get one of those? But, tis true, he doesn’t owe me anything as well as nothing.
He was on the road to making a new life for himself, cleaning up the mess of the last 10 years until he got suckered back in. Probably lots of crocodile tears, “Woe is me”, “Now I can’t pay my rent” have come into play. Ex to the rescue again. Isn’t this deja-vue from the loss of an apt in Brooklyn? History repeats.
I have NEVER said woe is me. Is that a white people thing? My ex didn’t come to my rescue. Regarding Brooklyn. I had plans to move to Seattle and ex asked me to move in with him. Repeatedly. So, this history is in an alternate universe.
It is never going to change. You will still be a needy, manipulating, parasite.
I would hope that the son she raised would see and dump me if I was a needy, manipulating parasite. Otherwise, isn’t that just bad parenting?
Btw, let’s call a spade a spade. You don’t love ex. You are just using him to do your work and come up with the money.You’ve done your best to alienate him from his family. He chooses to go dark. He’s ashamed and embarrassed by this situation.
I don’t know how telling my ex to call his mom is alienating him. I would prefer that I heard from the person (in this case, the ex) to tell me he’s ashamed and embarrassed. I don’t know, I would be ashamed and embarrassed if my mother sent this to him. Just saying.
He needs to pack up his stuff and get out of that toxic, blood sucking environment. He has a family who cares about him and he has a home and people who love him.
And writes cruel and untrue emails without any facts. Don’t forget about that part.
You are a complete nut case, a metal and emotional mess.
Thanks! I prefer to be aluminum (because how its pronounced in the UK) but any metal will do.
Pack up and go home to Mama if you are still speaking to any of them. Criticism is a bitch, isn’t it?
I guess? If the criticism is true? Is this criticism? Or is this really asking my ex to call you?
Don’t bother to respond to this. Nothing you can say is explanatory. Don’t want to hear it.
Ok! You’re the one I had to block though after you kept emailing.
Never underestimate a mother who sees a dishonest, manipulative situation
I’m surprised took this long to do this, quite actually. No matter, I am still single!
Minimal Effort 