Month: April 2005

a friend of mine is moving to New York in August and asked me if I would think about moving back to New York with her. I don’t know….do I want to go from a salary job to an hourly job again? What the hell am I going to do? However, can I survive another winter in MA?

I just realized, in the past five years, i have moved about 5 different times in about 3 different states. I generally tend to live in a place for about 1.5 years then move on. This june, I will have lived in MA for 1.5 years. I don’t know if I will make it.

Speaking of moving, i’m moving again, to Salem. That’s exciting. Near the beach, near a bridge. It’ll be like living alone since my roommate has a significant other and will probably spending majority of his time with his woman.

a lot of people complained that it wasn’t as fun as last year [i did get to experience the tailend of vegas from open bar partying to hoover dam driving to in-and-out burger eating] and last year it sure was goddamned fun.

this year was fun too. i think the possibility of it being uber uber fun might be due to the disappearance of some people. who knows.

thursday: landed in THANK GOD, sunny ass weather. god, i love that shit..more than i ever knew. i’m fucking spoiled. i want my predictable sunny weather. i’m exercising again because the weather is nice in MA [i LOVE jogging/walking in the sunlight]. I digress. So we unpacked, went to the Pink Taco [clever naming!] and learned that i am technically incompetent to work a non-digital camera. Actually, the waitress cannot work it. Later that night, when more peeps showed up, we went a-walking on the strip. I love that shit too. Ate at a buffet which was way too costly for its food. well, maybe not..it did have crab legs…mmmm. checked out the water show a la Ocean’s 11 (2001 style).

friday: had a meeting [i AM here for work yo] that was like MAD long. i had a friend who grabbed the package of gum in my hand, chew 8 pieces then swallow it. i don’t know if he was having a chewing-tourette’s type of situation but after the fact, he stuck his tongue at us [me and my hotel roommate]. afterwards, got back to the hotel [which was pretty badass…] and went to good ol’ Pink Taco for the same exact dish. I was feeling claustrophobic for some reason and abrupty left my party to go into my room and do some silent freaking out [i don’t KNOW what happened]. I think the boys were talking about strippers or something and for some reason, i started to hyperventilate. Somebody had commented that i had looked irritated since i’ve gotten to vegas which was due to some issues i was having with my clothes and my nose and my eyes but also due to some fighting going-ons with my parentals. However, the group i was having dinner with did not know this nor did I want to put a damper on things…so i just left and went to my room. Cried a little bit and then took a bath.

Received several calls. going to a trendy bar on top of a hotel. got dressed and met up with them, trying to look impossibly fresh [i don’t think it worked though] and walked in these awful shoes that my hotel roommate let me borrow. went to the bar and got drunk and chatted with my party and paid 11 dollars for the tiniest long island iced tea known to man. some bad dancing was to be had and i was a little sad because it reminded me of my home in san diego and i wanted to go back…

saturday: more training to be had. afterwards, we went to a restaurant that i did not exist…a brazilian steakhouse. you know what that means? A SEVEN COURSE MEAL OF MEAT. ALL MEAT. MEATS ARE US. I think the first course is a vegetarian [just kidding vegetarians]. Actually, our tall friend [actually most of the guys i was hanging out are above 6 foot, so i guess our TALLEST friend] told me to say “DON’T EAT ALL DAY IF YOU WANT TO EAT AT THIS PLACE”. No kidding. After the 7th course, the waiter guy was like “second course?” Yeah right buddy, you want me to explode in a meat fit of fury?

I was playing dispatcher that night as another coworker girl had landed, our foreign friend wanted to hang as well, as well as another group who decided they didn’t want a meat feast. so while i was coordinating our…coordinates [no, rendezvous!] we somehow get a limo to be our cabbie [and i ended up sitting on the limo floor as the SEVEN GUYS sat in seats! bastards] and headed to old vegas [the one with the cowgirl sign].

i was being hit on by old creepy guys who bought me drinks, put their arms around me and asked me to sit in their laps. I have officially have reached my mid-life crisis if the only guys from the opposite sex are over the hill, balding, sweaty men.

I had lost my wallet in the midst but didn’t tell anyone because i didn’t want to a) be lectured for being a ditz and b) have people feel sorry for me that i lost another 100 bucks [i had lost my wallet at a snowboarding trip. found the wallet…100 bucks…gone] c) put a damper on spirits since the craps table was going good.

so i’m freaking out, looking for my wallet and these fat, old, balding sweaty men buy me some sort of martini or something and introduce themselves as “Jean Claude Van Dam” and “Doc Hollywood”. Did the put-his-arm around me type of deal and invited me to sit in his lap. asked me if he was handsome. oh, for the LOVE OF GOD dude, i’ve lost my wallet and you want me to sit in your dirty 5 dollar jeans and your too-small shirt with pit stains? uh…no.

i was told that i liked the attention. no…but i did like the drinks. i have to admit though, my self-esteem took a dive as i overthought that i could no longer attract guys in the late 20-early 30 range but rather the 38-50 range. ugh.

other than that. good times and a cheesy light show to boot about america.

sunday: yes, even MORE training to be had. I was stressing out [who me, stress?] as I couldn’t something down and was scheming of ways to train and attend an event I was suppose to work that night. Ended up going to the event anyway and then eating, at you guessed it, The Pink Taco with some friends. My eyes were KILLING me and went down wearing broken glasses. Found out, not the only one who had reverted to glasses. Played some rock and roll jeopardy [which was real fun.] the guy across from me had impressive knowledge although i think i could give him a run for his money about stuff other than nirvana and audio sample rates.

okay, this has gotten long already…more info about the rest of the week…

p.s. got the new ben folds cd today. mmm..mmmm…toasty. oh and Sideways. god, i spend too much money on stupid shit.

1. I agree that borders are just artificial…countries aren’t even real except that we call them real. But what can be done about it, in your opinion?

i don’t care. sorry. i think, i say i don’t care because i truly believe that nothing can be done so why waste my time with a creative answer when i can’t even imagine anything being done?

2. So, bored by traditional sex, then what does tickle your fancy?

Hmmm. this is under the impression i’ve had sex. However, if I were to have sex, I would like to think I would like to do something of dominance nature and the other be in submissive nature [since, i guess i don’t feel very dominant in my public life]…don’t think i would have the balls to pull it off though

3. Did you ever have a master life plan: expect such and such by this age, etc? If so, how’s it going and what have you/would you change? If not, why not?

I did, actually. my master plan was a) go to NYU for med school [went to SDSU for pre-med] b)get out of college by 21 [i got out by 22 since i changed my major] c) go into emergency medicine [went into film] d) move to new york in my mid-20s [DID that one. finally] e) have sex by 25 [but not be married. i wanted to wait till i was at an age i would be mature to handle it] f) get married by 28 [that is SO not happening] g) have my own house by 32 [that is SO not happening either] h) out of debt by 30 [that is SO not happening.

lot of deviation, which is something you don’t plan until you start living life anyway

4. Describe the evolution of your creative process.

i get fucked over OR watch something inspiring. write about it. throw writings away for feeling inferior and untalented. rinse and repeat

5. Most important relationship for you and why?

well duh. the relationship with yourself. or in this case, myself. what’s the point of caring about other people you don’t care about and respect yourself in the first place? otherwise, you’ll be one of those people cluck about and say “wow, she has no respect for yourself” Don’t apologize for your actions. You can regret if you want to, but at least you did it. Okay, going off topic…

Damn, wanted to talk about vegas but i’m too spent. tomorrow maybe.

i am at work.
i am watching these dvds to learn what i’m supposed to learn for vegas but…goddammit, it makes me want to kill myself.
and here’s the thing. I’ve watched most of these before, but i keep fucking zoning out and then i have to watch it AGAIN because i wasn’t paying attention the first time.
i will probably learn on the fly.
hey, I don’t have to take phone calls for the rest of the week!! yee-ha.
um, what else. oh, found out i was the wrong cup size. great. just great. i don’t want my breasts to be any bigger! sheesh. but i got it just in time for vegas. woo.
ok, i’ve got nothing.

goddammit, i can’t sleep. it’s nearly five in the morning.

i’m going to rhode island tomorrow to have my tarot cards read. that should be interesting.

found out my friend broke up with his girlfriend and i comforted him over beers. Now to make my move [I’m KIDDING!!!]. Truth be told, i’m glad they broke up cause she was a BITCH to the umpteenth power. is it awful if you think two people are AWFUL for each other and you don’t say shit until they actually break up and ask what you thought of them? But after the beers, we had some good times. He had the audacity to think that I was so terribly uncoordinated that I could not throw a dime at his crotch.

So, I did. the poor bastard.

Oh, and we’re having a bowling tournament. The odds are 7 to 1. posters will be set up soon [yes, posters] and we will be officiated by our friend patrick..who thinks the dude [who also thought i could not a) beat him poker [i did]; b) beat him in the casino and c) hmmm. i couldn’t think of anything else.

it is 5 in the morning and i cannot sleep for the fucking life of me.

i have to be in rhode island in a couple of hours to get my tarot cards read. i’m primarily doing it for fun but now, now i have questions.

vegas, only a week left. i watched dodgeball 3 times tonight [first to watch it, the second to listen to the commentary and the third time for easter eggs [[everytime ben stiller snaps his fingers, there’s an easter egg]] ]and there was a scene in vegas…and i saw the casinos and i got pretty excited.

booze, strip clubs and war card games.

this should be good.

i want to go to bed but i cannot SLEEP!! GAH.

my friend had the audacity to think i could not aim. so i threw a nickel at his face and got him!

SO THERE! i have coordination.

i guess i’ll watch AI now. i can’t sleep..

i am officially an insomniac because i am now addicted to adult swim. excuse me, [adult swim]. Man, i wished i wrote for those shows…especially “robot chicken”. They did a skit where the Surreal Life folks had to destroy the “one ring”. It was fucking hilarious.

i typically don’t watch television but i need to watch tv to do my taxes…for vegas. All my tax refund goes to vegas. Only 10 more days to go…

i’m hoping vegas will shake me out of this rut. vegas or the all male strip australian show “the thunder down under.”

gah. i want something to shake my life up…like this [[shake,shake,shake]]