Month: July 2004

so here’s the deal.

have you ever felt unappreciated? have you ever felt that what you do or say has no significance?

sometimes i feel i am ignored and/or people don’t want to hear what i have to say. when i try to talk, i just kind of get looked over.

and people wonder why i’m loud–because i have to stand out to get any attention around here.

and today, i just got tired of people not listening to me and against my gregarious nature, i just had nothing to say.

‘oh, what’s wrong?’ –what, NOW you want to listen? when i don’t say anything?

‘oh, are you okay?’ –what, NOW you care?

it’s weird. when you scream, people tune you out, when you say nothing, people pay attention and at this point, i don’t want them to pay attention. i want to hide in the wall and disappear.

sometimes, just sometimes, i don’t feel appreciated at where i live. i don’t want to go into it now, but, who fucking cares if i live here or not? who cares what i get peeved about? who cares what happens to me when i’m not home? WHO FUCKING CARES?!

i’ve been thinking about moving out for awhile now….not that i’ve been accepting any offers or put any down payments or anything like that [i would give fair warning of course] but, i feel, sometimes, it really doesn’t matter anyway…right?

and i’m just using this as a place to vent, not to fix problems nor a place to call attention to ‘look at poor me. poor unappreciated me’

FUCK THAT SHIT. FUCK IT TO THE EAR.

okay, i’m done now.

i did have a good talk with kevin and he made me feel important.

doesn’t mean it’s true though.

So I’m on a diet.

End of entry.

okay, i lie. as in, that was not the end of my entry.

I got the Futurama Season 3 on disk last night for my birthday and YES! FINALLY, the option to “Play All” is finally available. it’s little things like this that make me happy.

I gave kerbang his gift, which was a shabbily edited rendition of his so-called current life on his characteristics. I think he liked it OR thought “oh god, i went to film school with this person? What is this shabbily edited rendition of my life? it’s awful.” and he felt editing pity for me.

However, i had a fun time compiling things and being sneaky.

Benefits from this video:

I got to spend loads of time with tech boy as he a) provided my equipment and b) provided his apartment and editing machine for my usage.

got to get to know the black belts and are now on a social level with them…all because i left my camera with them and they apparently, like being videotaped

got better at my job as it is my job to refresh my memory time to time with our products

got to smoke a bunch of pot. Yay!

got to use a camera and watch john’s friends make little skits about John [that was FUNNY]

now i have to “pay back” tech boy. I think i’m going to take him out to blue man group

*now john has a memory of his roommates when we decide to go our separate ways.

Sometimes I wonder, when we all go our separate ways, will we still keep in touch? Granted, our lease is up in May, but the closest people that I correspond with seem to change from year to year and sometimes, from month to month.

I’m a friend whore sometimes.

I wake up this morning and have to use the bathroom and I open the toilet seat and there’s this big turd, apparently has been there for a while, just chilling in the toilet bowl.

I just can’t use the bathroom when there are remants of somebody’s else’s food in there, i just have a thing against it.

So I flushed it, so I could pee, and brushed my teeth in the process. After brushing my teeth, I open the bowl and lo and behold, it’s still fucking there!

Okay, fine, maybe i didn’t flush it hard enough [?] So I flush it AGAIN, go and get some food, come back and IT’S STILL FUCKING THERE! Jesus fucking christ. I gave up, and i had to go pee, so i went pee upstairs. However, now it’s lingering in my mind that there is a turd that just REFUSES to flush downstairs.

So I got this new stereo system that I was super excited to set up after my jiu jitsu class..and while I was driving home, steve calls me and says “the posse is going out. come get me” and I said “Okay.”

Now he thinks I’m his bitch. yeah right sucka, you’re my bitch….bitch.

We went to the burren over in Davis Square and lo and behold, while we were waiting for more people to arrive, cute boy comes in with like 3 or 4 girls. WHAAAT?!

Well, I shouldn’t saying that shit, since I was sitting with 3 guys. A match made in heaven? heh heh heh. Anyway, he came to hang with us and it was nice to see work people out of work. We dubbed it Super Friday because it was really thursday. Dear lord, this was a very boring paragraph. I should erase it but that would entail me backspacing a lot and i don’t want to do that.

I have a fucking 4 day weekend, man, what is that about? What am I going to do?

Okay, I need to take a shower, but that turd that just won’t flush is haunting me. bastardo.

This just has to be one of the longest days at work. I’m practically dying.

I don’t know what to tell you, dear reader of live journal, other than I GOT A NEW SPEAKER SYSTEM! Whoo-hooooooo. I bought Drumline to commemorate the occasion.

I was talking to a guy who I sorta like today and it was pretty nerve-wracking. What do I say? How do I come off as clever? and more importantly, why am I nervous?

Why do I talk about boys so much? Because it gives me something to do. What would you rather hear? How about, um…I got my period at a wedding. Yeah, didn’t think so.

I caught the bouquet at the wedding. GREAT. I think what was more funner [funner!] was that a cute kid put the garter on me. The groom, who is the kid’s cousin, was saying “James was really excited to put the garter because “she’s so cute!”” Awww…i love ego boosts such as being compared to a bunny rabbit.

I don’t know what else to tell you other than, hm…don’t you think it sucks when a friend of yours has a new significant other and they just ignore you? Yeah, that really sucks. I’m going to go watch a movie goddamnit.

I love saying that.

God fucking damnit.