Posted in Categorize Me!

the farting factory

I tried to do something productive today [read: write a feature length script]. I wrote the first part of it, the introduction of the characters [which is mainly expository] but, when actual plot comes into play—I freeze.

Now, do I freeze for fear of failure or fear of fucess? (I was trying to continue the alliteration). Usually I delete that shit, but NO! I will NOT do it this time goddamnit!

So, I stopped writing that shit and watched The Usual Suspects Featurettes, Inside the Actor’s Studio [w/ Russell Crowe], oh god, watched the Newlyweds marathon.

Speaking of Newlyweds, am I the only one who absolutely ADORED the gameshow? That shit was knee-slapping hilarity. I especially liked it when the newlyweds would NEVER get matching answers and they would hit each other with big ass answer cards [with very neat handwriting]. I swear, in one episode, that the couple was going to get a divorce because the wife was SOOO mad that they were losing.

I remember, my friend Alfred and I were thinking of going on such a show – but not be married for real [well, I’m sure they check for certificates or something] but we knew each other so well, we knew we would blow people out of the water. Wait, was that Alfred or Thai? Some guy in high school that knew me fairly well [maybe I made this deal with both of them]. Then there was that show we could’ve swore we could’ve swindled…I think it was called Singled Out with Jenny McCarthy? I would secretly pick Thai or Alfred and we would share the prizes.

If only I had the balls to actually go through it.

Now it’s time for drama…

I threw in a dramatic picture to get you in the mood.

Are you in the mood?

I am home by myself, which, I thought would be fucking boring but actually, it’s not too bad. Now, I can have my orgies, smoke my crack in the open and watch my German Schisse videos on high volume.

Hells yeah.

Now let me tell you about one of the roommates [name will not be announced for fear he, I mean, or she, will kill me].

One of the roommates, hell, who am I kidding? All of the roommates have crazy gas. Like, it’s a farting factory over here and nobody cares.

Now this may be because I’m from California or maybe because I’m a fake Asian girl [Filipinos are not “REAL” Asians, eh? We’re pacific islanders. Bah], but I CANNOT fart in front of anyone except my sister [my poor sister]..okay, maybe my brother. But that’s it. I don’t think I farted or announced or whatever to any of the housemates.

I mean, my psychosis goes so deep that I can’t even fart in front of them even if I wanted to. Like, my stomach will be making noises for me to fart and such but I just can’t do it.

Anyway, so back to the fart factory. Now, its fine and we have the shower shit spray and everything…but one particular roommate.

Dear God, it’s so bad.

You know how bad? Like, I swear animals were dying in South Boston. I’m talking, we need to send this kid to the military and make a weapon of mass destruction to bully/threaten other countries to do our bidding [okay, that would be evil..hmm..] . The point is—it’s that potent.

Another roommate and I came back from shopping and we went into the common room and they fucking HOT BOXED the common room and WHOOSH, all the stank came rushing into our noses and I think I fainted. So let’s do it this way:

Roommate “A”—the farter

Roommate “R”—the other kid in the room


Roommate “S”—The one who went shopping with me.

Roommate R says “Dude, Roommate A farted 20 minutes ago and it still smells?”

Obviously Roommate R’s olifactory factory was killed by the stank. I busted out with the shower shit spray and literally tried to spray the SHIT out of the place.

No luck. It still penetrated through the spray.

Roommate S and I went up to our rooms and WE COULD STILL SMELL IT! It had penetrated through doors and went into our hall. We used the upstairs shower shit spray and sprayed the hall.

Roommate A apologized but I don’t think he knows the severity of the situation.

Regardless, Roommate S described the odor as if “Someone stuff a rotten egg up his/her ass and he/she shitted it out”

I just think Roommate A ate a dead frog or something.

Speaking of frogs—I downloaded “The Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog.

Oh, god, I rock so hard.


Legitimate movie reviews, Illegitimate blog from a legitimate American. 2 Legit 2 Quit. Hey Hey.

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