Dude, it’s like, 4 in the morning and I am not tired.
Nobody is home. Actually, I lie. Kevin (one of my roommates) is sleeping in his room. Risa is at work. I imagine Nelson and John are out getting some good loving from their respective girl(s).
I am home.
Watching “Finding Nemo”.
I am a loser.
I had a pretty cool Christmas. I spent with my roommate’s (John) family over in Chelmsford, MA. It was the epitome of an sweet ABC family special. Actually, let me upgrade, a sweet HBO family special. They gave me a stocking and it was filled by (tee hee) Santa in the morning..hooray!
Then I went with the Gates’ family to some breakfast/dinner Christmas eating and played Christmas trivia and Christmas charades.
I felt SOOOO guilty though. I sort of felt that John had to drag my ass around with him because I had no family. Accordingly, when we got to his parents’ house, I told him I wanted to go home (i.e. the apartment). He said “But it’s 1:46 in the morning!” and I said “So?”. He didn’t argue and gave me directions. I had three cigarettes left in my purse and I smoked 2 of them last night.
Because I felt so guilty about being a burden. I’m sure the Gates’ didn’t feel like I was a burden (I mean, if the roles were reversed, my family would’ve been cool with John and I would never feel like I was dragging him around.
But still. I felt the vibe that he wanted to hang with other people but couldn’t (?) wouldn’t (?) shouldn’t (?), because my lame ass.
Good thing I went home. Kevin just came home and told me that he met up with John, Nelson, Sam, Becky and Becca at Dunkin’ Donuts. I would have probably been very uncomfortable because it’s the ‘high school crew’.
That’s amazing to me. I could never hang out with a high school crew.
Anyway, so I pretty much have been home all day. I am scared to drive the streets for fear of getting lost or something but I think I’ll do it tomorrow because I am a loser and I need to get out of the house.
I am half tempted to buy cigarettes. I think I could smoke them on the downlow. Oh God, I’ve turned into a mistress to my cigarettes.
I don’t miss California, per se, but I miss my friends soooo much. I liked the fact that I had a plethora of friends to pick and choose from to hang out with and now, my roommates are stuck with my sorry ass.
I apologize for this whiny entry. I’m just in a bad mood. The first two weeks of moving into a new place are the hardest, I think.
The first two weeks i moved to New York, I cried my eyes out (even though I really wanted to go to NYU)…everyone was just so mean.
When I moved back to San Diego, I cried my eyes out because everyone was so indifferent.
I haven’t cried my eyes out here yet, instead, I sneak out of the apartment and go under the stairs and smoke half a cigarette. I don’t know what to do about my bad habit. I”m hoping nobody will catch me. I mean, it’s much better this way because if my smoking was readily acceptable, I would be smoking more often.
John left his phone charger in my car and I said “Let me get my keys real quick” and he said that he would get the charger himself, but I had smoked the night before and feared he might smell the smoke, so I volunteered to grab the charger.
Because I’m that lame, dude.
Good thing they only think I update my diaryland diary, this diary entry is so mean and accurate.
I’m sorry. I’m miserable.
I want to cry.