my laugh disturbs the clapper

Anyone who has a diary on diaryland either a) is narcissistic or b) has nothing to say. Of course I am no exception.

By process of elimination, I would have to say that I am narcissitic because, if you’ve been reading this long, I really haven’t been saying anything useful.

What you probably have figured out are the following three things:

1. I wish I was a writer and I was writing a badass script.

2. I wish I was having sex. I don’t think I would necessarily want a relationship, unless I was hot. (So the guy I woudl be dating would be hot and hence we would be the hottest couple in town)

3. I wish all my friends lived in the same city– that city being New York or London.

Alas.

However, for those who are too good for Friendster (obviously, I’m not) there’s this thing called testimonials where your friends write good crap or sarcastic crap about you.

I think the cooler thing is, Friendster shows your friends from all cities. Mine seems to be an amalgamation of college and high school.

Since you guys are TOO GOOD for Friendster (but oddly enough, not too good for diaryland), I’m going to force you to read my testimonials.

Because I’m writing out of things to talk about myself.

TESTIMONIALS:

Steve: Sharon is a truly gifted writer who refuses to accept her own potential. I don’t know why. If I did, I would set up an automatic message service that told her how to fix it every day until she got it and started believing it herself. A fun-loving, open and insane SoCa chick, Sharon is almost always willing to do the happy dance. And I don’t mean the horizontal-happy dance, but she’s open to that as well.

As previously mentioned, Steve and I dated my last year of college. I’m pretty much friends with everyone I date because I don’t hold a good chemistry against anyone. Steve thought I was this crazy talented writer (I think that he only dated me because he wanted me to write his scripts, the bastard) and would constantly tell me how sexy that was. Writing? Sexy? C’mon. I like how he subtly added that we had sex although I did used to do the happy dance…but then again, I think I did it when I was high or when he paid for dinner.

Thomas: Sharon’s my American Film buddy. She has the best knowledge of what’s going on and so talking with her is a great pleasure (specially about movies 🙂 Hope everything will work out for you in this terrible industry…if you ever need a french voice for one of your movies, I’ll gladely help.

Thomas is French and he is Ryan’s roommate. We tend to call him Frenchie (but I’m trying to convert everyone to call him Germany for French sake) Anyway, we never really talked until, I think, I mentioned David Fincher was my favorite director. Then we talked for hours upon hours upon end. I really think he should’ve went to film school (poor Ryan just kept looking at us like a tennis game) but he said “Film in not practical, biology is” …that’s until you want to ride my film coattails.

Revellyn: Sharon is great and a fun person to hang out with. She has a distinctive laugh that is contagious and does set the “Clapper” on/off. Thanks for making my hand a star in Rex’s music video. I’m excited that she is going to make our wedding video and capture Rex serenading to me this time:)Sharon is so goofy and I look forward to hanging out and laughing some more when we get back to SD.

People either HATE our laugh or LOVE my laugh. My laugh is so crazy, that Ryan’s place, which has the clapper, goes on and off when I laugh. Sometimes I clap when I laugh as well, which doesn’t help much. Oh, and Revellyn’s boyfriend was the star of one of the music videos I made when I went to San Diego State (the beach school)

Jacob: In evil film school I made a documentary about Sharon called “Crap.” That wasn’t supposed to be a reflection on her worth as a person.

Ahh..Jake. Jake is a smart ass mofo and a cute one to bat. He was in my video project and played “Lance Bass”. Probably the most sarcastic person I know. Very practical. Very Washington. He took me to see Kids in the Hall, sixth row center. hells yeah (man, I have a way with men)

Ryan: Sharon, Sharon. The damage I could do to you with this here keyboard is just ridiculus. When I think of Sharon, words that end with “_eastiality” and “_asterbation” come to mind. But I won’t do that to my fellow readers or my friend. Why should I tell dirty stories about pickles and hairdryers…poor,poor animal never new what was coming. If PETA ever found out! But anyways. I’m just a simple Catholic boy with a very simple mind. Maybe I misunderstand this lady. But here’s da goods! She’s nice, creative, and intelligent. But she smells like ass. Just kidding. She smells fine. I love making her laugh. Here’s the secret guys. Talk about smutty shit. Make a few faces and urinate on couple of bums, then she won’t ever stop. In fact, her laugh has been known to set off a few car alarms. All joking aside. Sharon is the bestest friend anyone who has half a brain and ain’t half insane can have. You go girl. “

I love Ryan. I told him I was cutting him off from hanging out with me because I was afraid he would get addicted to me. And he said “NO! You’ll get addicted TO ME!” and we tried to cut each other off. Then he imed me the other day and said “Do you miss me yet?” and I said “No” and we argued. (He likes to argue with me because I always retaliate) and then last Sunday I said “Okay, you win. I’m having Ryan withdrawal. Let’s hang out” so we’re hanging out this Friday. Damn him and his charismatic ways. Damn him

Gina: To add to Ryan’s testimonial, the sound of her laugh…You might want to unplug the clapper next time we come over…It has mistaken her laugh with God knows what…Anyway, SHAROOOOOONN!! What a personality this gal has. I’ve known her for years. Many of my best memories was during my trip to NY. We were high at 1 in the morning and we had such a difficult time trying to order food at McDonald’s. I remember standing there, trying not to laugh, reeking like Ganja, and eventually ordering a small order of french fries!!! I love beating her ass in chess because I’d hear “BIIIIITCH!!” and watch the chess pieces fly all over the place. ooohh the memories such warm, fond memories I share with her. The days of smoking crack and standing in the middle of snow storms is now just a nostalgic image…just kidding about the crack, and yes I’ve walked through a blizzard with this woman. Now I’m being serious; Sharon’s a great friend and will always be there to make you laugh and give great advice. She’s an incredible writer as well. Maybe you can help me edit your testimonial haha…Sooner or later we’re going to be East Coast people watching Yankee and Red Sox games. I can’t wait to share more exciting memories with her cause when we’re together, we’re nothing but a couple of shitheads haha. I love her!

God, I’m just the friend whore. And god, they make my laugh sound like the plague. I’ve convinced Gina to move out East with me. The East Coast better watch the fuck out.

Greatchen: If there was one memory I could share w/ sharon and only sharon…it would have to be Prom ’96-need I say more…hahaha. This girl is talented in many ways, and I consider myself lucky to own a couple of her earlier pieces…there’s the birthday video, the amazing scrapook, and I can’t forget the CD-I will cherish them forever…as a fellow cancerian and a friend I can count on to this day…I am honored to be her friendster.

I totally forgot about this. I used to be super-creative because..I had a lot of time I guess. And Prom. We had the BEST TIME. We made this pact to be badass girls and that we were going to stay up ALL NIGHT LONG. However, we were both wusses and had resorted to throwing water in each others faces, “We gotta stay up to be cool, we gotta stay up to be cool” I think we stayed up till 6 a.m.

Glenn: Sharon is S to the, H to the, A to the, take the microphone. Sha Sha Sha Sharon is a grrrl who is real, real fine. Sharon, that grrrl. She made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh while listening to fountains of wayne… I just want to sink to the bottom with you… Plus she has a dog who likes to hump rugs and such…

Man, I have a lot more testimonials than I thought. Anyway, Glenn I met in an acting workshop…ah yes, I wanted to be a star (this was in my attention starved days) and then, I found out, I couldnt’ act to save my life. I could say “feet” and Glenn could laugh. I don’t know what it was about me that he found hilarious

Melissa: Sharon was my MC from my Debut many many moons ago, and one of my performers. I’ve got the videotape to prove it…somewhere…..What was that giddy-up action-slap-me-silly THANG ya’ll did????…

Yes, I was a MC for a party (man, the demons just start spilling out) and goddamnit Melissa, we were riding the PONY! It was the coolest dance move at that point in time (dear god, I need to destroy that videotape)

Gump: Dude I want to know what you look like. Get into the digital age dude. HAHAHA. No really Sharon is cool. I mean it. Cool as ice. … Cool as Kittens.

Gump, I’m allergic to kittens

Jaymee: testimonial. hah! sounds moderately religious.. anyway organized. so ok, hi. i’m here to testify on– well, to give testimony for– ah hell, i’m here to talk about sharon. eh heh. yes. ok. so i met sharon in an acting.. workshop (yes, lets call it that it sounds grownup) not long after her highschool flutterings and way before new york had its chance to polish her up and envigorate her sense of self and her sense of style. i remember that i didn’t really know what to make of her when i met her. i thought she laughed just as loud as me and that was a comfort, indeed. i thought, she doesn’t seem like a person to take any guff from anybody. i liked to watch her collaborate with the other people in that self-imposed “support group”. i also thought.. i also thought wow she really needs to get laid. heheh. but all kidding aside, this is pretty much what i think of her now: she really knows her stuff, that sharon. she’s clever, inventive, humorous, and a riot of a good time. she really seems like she knows what she’s looking for and so.. i sincerely hope she finds it.

I love Jaymee. She makes me feel like the most hilarious woman on Earth. We went to see “seabiscuit” this past weekend and I swear, it was like I was doing stand up comedy. Jaymee was the reason, in acting workshop, that made me think “yeah, I can’t act” because she is a badass actor. I’m totally going to cast her someday.

Last and not least:

Jirrah: sharon is this bomb ass babe with brains. i’m not sure why she doesn’t have a steady boyfriend yet…oh yeah she CHOOSES not to. you go girl! all i can say about this chica is that i’m very proud of her. she’s accomplished so much as far as her film production career is concerned and i know she’s only beginning this journey to super- stardom. i just hope she doesn’t forget about me along the way! jk. but this girl has been there for me from day one, literally. we’ve been best of friends since we were born 25 years ago and even in my darkest days she’s been by my side as a friends and sister. i don’t know what this world would be like for me if she weren’t around…it’s a scary thought, sharon. 🙂 i’m grateful to have you as a friend. you’ve made me laugh so hard i’ve cried and i can always count on you to be there. now THAT’s a down ass BYATCH! i love you girl

*Ah, the usual testimonial. how great I am, etc etc. I’m not sure about being a “bomb ass” (where did that come from anyway?) and I hate to tell her but I haven’t gotten ANYTHING accomplished in my “film career” although she counts graduating film school as an accomplishment. Yeah, an accomplishment of bill-paying. (i love her to death though, dont’ get me wrong)

Okay, I’m sick of myself now.