deficit fixed!

I went to “I’ll Never Speed Again Comedy Traffic School” today. My lord. I had to wake up at 7 in the morning to get to class at 8:45 a.m. in the afternoon and I had to stay at an EL Torito restaurant (where the class was held) until 4:30 in the afternoon.

All this trouble for not making a complete stop at a stop sign.

I think California is in so much financial trouble that they’re ticketing you for breathing the wrona air around here. As if giving every Californian a ticket for living is going to fix the fucking budget around here. Well, it might work…5 gajillion drivers on the freeway, $150.00 per driver…deficit fixed! Yeah right. That pisses me off.

When I got my ticket, I told the police officer that I had diaherria in hopes that a) he would let me off for feeling sorry for me and b) he would let me off for the sheer embarrassment of me having diaherria (I actually didn’t). I don’t think I played the part very well because I still got the damn ticket. I should’ve started crying because, that’s the only things the ladies can do I guess. Too bad I haven’t cried since like…1989 (Remember Rubic’s cube? Damn VH-1 80s videos)



What did people do on the Fourth of July?

I did absolutely nothing. I felt like a total loser since I was home by myself doing…nothing.

Actually, I lie. I went to a party the night before and I was really tired because I got home around 2 or 3 a.m…so on the 4th of July I woke up around noon or something.

Anyway, nothing was really going on and I had nothing to do, so I went to the movie theater to watch Terminator 3 by myself.

Much to my relief, the guy I was sitting next to was also watching by himself. If I had the balls, I would’ve asked him out because, he too, was alone on the 4th of July, watching Terminator 3. (Which, admittedly, I really liked)

I think, mostly, the reason I had nothing to do is because I’ve worked at Starbucks or whatever job I had at the time the past 4 years on the 4th of July.

You see, I think the 4th of July is more depressing than Valentine’s day…well, yeah, I do. Because on Valentine’s day, its for couples. 4th of July is for couples and/or your good friends. I have neither.

Yes, I have no friends here.

Maybe I should rephrase, I have friends here but they all have friends who throw parties. I would be the “guest-starring” friend whereas all these cliques around here are like sitcoms or television shows. I’m not quite a part of the clique but I show up intermittently to “guest star”.

I’m not sure if I want to be part of the show/sitcom or always have the guest star role. Sometimes, you can become the breakout guest star role and then you have a spinoff..however, I have neither the energy or the motivation to have my own show.

Anyway, the problem is that on major holidays, you end up doing absolutely nothing and feeling like crap about your life. I hate major holidays.



I am SERIOUSLY going through the quarter-life crisis. I don’t really like where I am in life I think and I have no idea what to do.

All I know is that I do not want to live in San Diego any longer. Actually California (do you know they’re trying to recall the governor over here?)

I also want to give up film and my lofty dreams of “making it” because — get real. I have neither the motivation nor the energy for that kind of shit. I’m really am full of shit convincing myself that I am ambitious in nature when I am actually full of shit in nature.

Sometimes, I think, what really makes a person? Having friends? Having a career? Not being homeless? Would it really make THAT much difference if I disappeared off of the face of the Earth? I really don’t think so. If nobody updated this diary? WOOOOOO.

Even though I want to give up film, I don’t want to be stuck in law. Maybe I should become a fisherman in Alaska.

I was thinking of moving to London but unfortunately, I have car payments and it would be a waste to sell my car when I’ve already paid a couple thousands. damnit.

I think I’m going to give up on computer guy. I mean, I really like that he’s ambitious, smart and friendly (and cute) but god fucking damnit, he’s flaky as FUCK. Why couldn’t he have like…financial problems or ….I don’t know, an unusual film addiction? Why does his fatal flaw have to be that he cannot seem to keep plans?

I think it is me though because if he REALLY liked me, he would be excited to see me and want to see me. He’s sort of lukewarm and everytime I write him off, he calls me and tells me he wants to see me. What the fuck is that shit?



I went to a party on Thursday. I went with my 4 boyfriends at the time, Bobby, Wilbur, Brian and Ray. I tend to be the only chick amongst guys..it just always works that way. Guys are much more fun anyway.

Anyway, so we go to this party and while we are talking, I think I see my ex..uh…lover (?) actually my like many-nights stand boy talking to my godsister. Should I say hi and interrupt or should I stay with my boys?

Since the boys didn’t know anyone, I essentially stay with them and hang out with them.

But of course, later in the party, we’ll call my ex-lover guy thingy “william”, William comes up to me and says hi.

I have not seen William since last year. He looked a little different…and he had HAIR! Which I found…weird. I just always knew him with the shaved hair look. I’m not sure if it made him look older or younger but just different.

William just accepted a job in Maryland with tons of benefits or something. He is leaving on my birthday..which I guess, is appropriate. It was good seeing him again but I think, this will be the last time I will see him ever again.

So we said our goodbyes. I think he knew that we would never see each other again, so we gave each other a long hard hug. I told him that I appreciated him in my life even though I never told him. He said the same. I suppose when someone is leaving your life, I feel like sometimes they don’t know how much you appreciate them.

I am sort of relieved he is moving away but sort of sad that he is and that he is starting his new life with his new girlfriend (I believe they are moving in together) in his new place. I guess I have mixed feelings about it like…that scene in When Harry Met Sally when Sally hears that her ex-boyfriend is getting married after they broke up “She’s supposed to be his transitional woman, she’s not supposed to be the ONE!”

But, I’m really happy that he’s happy as well. Because, I know deep down, he deserves it. I don’t know if he read this journal (he used to read my old one) but if you are, I wish you the best of luck, “William” tee hee (That’s his middle name)



My lord, what am I going to do with my life? Can I just start over?

I’m going to Starbucks to drink water now.