Month: April 2003

I got my nails done over the weekend. A manicure and a pedicure. It is very pretty.

I have to be self-conscious about my nails so I don’t put this money to waste.

I guess I was so self-conscious that I had a nightmare last night about my right hand being chipped (the nails that is) How pathetic and shallow is that? I woke up drenched in sweat because I chipped a nail.

I hate beautiful people.

---

This survey was filled out by my favorite guy in Chelmsford, Massachusetts (Okay, he’s like the only guy I know in Chelmsford.)

i also have no life. but on top of that, i have no friends. so this is
extra special just for you.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I live with my parents. hahahahahahahaha. kill
   me.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Picture This by Joseph Heller. Its
   about Aristotle, Socrates, Rembrandt and the Dutch. It’s really good.
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I have an optical mouse, and thus require
   no mousepad. I rule.
4. FAVORITE CARD GAME? if i say Magic, would this make me ultra-lame?
   yes. yes it would.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? I don’t know, i read newsweek because it comes to
   my house. i’m partial to the victoria’s secret catalogue but i don’t
   think that counts as a magazine.
6. FAVORITE SMELL? hmm. actually my favorite smells have been people,
   but maybe that’s a pheremone thing.
7. FAVORITE SOUND? agreed, rain on the roof while going to sleep is the
   best sound.
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? well objectively speaking i haven’t
   experienced it, but subjectively its some form of rejection i’m sure.
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Oh god why
   can’t i get out of bed?
10. FAVORITE COLORS? Red? i like red shirts, in my color sync and my
    narrative the main character wears a red shirt.
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? uh. as many as it
    takes to get it i guess. unless its the house phone, which i don’t usually
    answer.
12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? uh….
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? uh…i’m not sure anything is
    important. is that existentialist?
14. FAVORITE FOODS? mussels.
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? i don’t like driving fast, 75 might be
    fast though, i mean, its all relative. fast driving by friends makes me
    uncomfortable.
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? yeah. a lot. at least on my bed
    at home.
18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? cool.
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? I
    can’t believe you dissed Einstein in favor of Chris Rock. I’d like to meet
    Machiavelli, assuming the language barrier would be circumvented in the
    same fashion as the centuries of time between us.
20. FAVORITE DRINK? Water. I’m a water man.
21. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Cancer. which is like the lamest one, i
    mean, a) its the name of a disease, and b) it’s a freakin crab.
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? i now like broccoli, so yes.
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? I’d like to
    be an astronaut. i mean, that would be really cool.
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? i’m not into piercing,
    tattoos, hair dyes. i think i would be scared to not recognize myself. that
    goes for facial hair more intense than the ‘unshaven’ look as well.
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? well, yes.
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? logically speaking, it
    started out empty, and was then filled, so it’s half full.
27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Election. hands down.
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? roughly, i look at
    my hands while i type about half the time, which as i understand is bad
    form.
29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? dust?
30. FAVORITE NUMBER ? i like the set of numbers from negative infinity
    to infinity. although i always thought the swuare root of negative 1
    was cool because it was imaginary.
31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football.
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Sharon is
    much cooler than me, because she drives cross country, dyes her hair,
    and doesn’t live with her parents. (not that there’s anything wrong with
    that)
33. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? i don’t think i’d
    like being an animal other than human.
34. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? july 21
35. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? married? what?
36. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. this guy in hich school
    who taught tv production is one person. so yeah. that guy.
37. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
    uh sharon.
38. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: well, as
    you may have noticed, this is only going to sharon. so…sharon.

Sometimes I hate being a girl.

I bought some wax to wax my upper lip the other day. You see, I am preparing for a wedding (my first wedding) and have to make the appropriate preparations in order to look somewhat adequate. Hence, to my foolishness, I decided to wax my upper lip.

Now, a little sidenote before I begin this pseudo-entertaining anecdote. I do not have an hairy upper lip to begin with. I never have and nobody has ever commented on my hairy-ness. Actually, I’ve gotten the converse statement, how unhairy I am.

I got this idea by one of my co-workers who got her upper lip waxed and she talked about it like it was nothing…so I thought, why not?

So after I return from Wal-Mart, I immediately open the package and take the first strip out and paste it on my lip. This is a HUGE strip and am pondering on how it is supposed to pull every hair on my upper lip and it is missing some crevices. I was half-paying attention and was watching the Dixie Chicks on 20/20. So when Natalie starts to cry, I rip it off.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I release a bloodcurling scream. I look at my red face and see that I only got the hair right under my nose. WTF? I re-read the package. I have utilized the wrong strip, the bikini strip. Sheesh. I look for the upper lip strips and put two of them on either side of my lip. I re-read the directions, I was supposed to do it one at a time. I am also supposed to clean my face off of the residue wax from the last waxing. I take off the strips and go to the bathroom to wash off the wax. The wax won’t come off.

I am about to shoot myself.

I look in the box and lo and behold, there is a finishing cream that you are supposed to use to take off the wax. Sheesh. I REALLY was not paying attention because I missing practically all the directions.

I put the two strips back on my face. I take ’em off

AHHHHHHHHH

I hate beautiful people.

---

From a guy who has red hair, a beard, works at Starbucks and a Bio Corporation. Indulge…

Survey #2

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Have a roommate
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Hobbit and an Immunology textbook
3. FAVORITE CARD GAME? between the sheets
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Maxim stupid
5. FAVORITE SMELL? dead skunk
6. FAVORITE SOUND? cicadas
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Being broke
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? say “what happened”
9. FAVORITE COLORS? Blue
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? phone is on vibrate
11. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? Mother always told me not to reproduce…
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Nobody really knows what the hell is going on.
13. FAVORITE FOODS? Kraft Spaghetti and cheese
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? If you know me you don’t have to ask
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? the question is do I use protection or not
17. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? pretty much badass…nature’s fury is a m-f-er
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? how bout that hitler dude
19. FAVORITE DRINK? Beer …yes definitely beer
20. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Capricorn.
21. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? why not…it all is the same
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? What does one call a professional bum?
23. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? what could be a better color than the one I have?
24. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Good question…it’s all relative isn’t it?
25. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? well was the glass filled half way up or was half dumped out…cuz it depends
26. FAVORITE MOVIE? National Lampoons Christmas vacation “shitter’s full”
27. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? yup
28. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? There’s something under my bed? Dad told me once it was nothing.
29. FAVORITE NUMBER ? who cares it’s a #
30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? football.
31. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Sharon doesn’t have smelly feet that I know about
32. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Tree would be cool…but not an animal…how bout a bird
33. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? somewhere between christmas and new years
34. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? When did I get married?
35. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. the girl who once tried to loot the car I was sleeping in…now I lock the doors before falling asleep in the back seat
36. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: probably Nan..she’s quick with the emails
37. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: haven’t sent it yet

Top Ten Theme Songs:

10. Blossom (I just remember the clever way they edited the different dance routines. I remember the guy’s voice but not necessarily the words)
11. Phenom. This was a short lived show about a tennis player. It had Judith Light before she signed a 300 picture deal with Lifetime. The only clause: that each of the films had to have a colon. (but, the theme song was REALLY good. I wonder how I can get a hold of it..any ideas anyone?)
12. Three’s Company. [I was never sure of the lyrics but I think they are : Take a knock on my door (take a knock on my door) we’ve been waiting for you (we’ve been waiting for you) where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three’s company do]
13. The Facts of Life…You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have….the facts of life…the facts of life (my favorite part) when the world never seems, to believe in up to your dreams…
14. Growing Pains…Oh, Alan Thicke, you sly devil you. He also did the theme to Who’s The Boss but I don’t like that song. “Show me that smile again (show me that smile again) don’t waste another minute on your crying, we’ll know until the end, the best is ready to begin…whooooo”

Man, as long we have each other, we’ve got the world right in our hands baby. You and me, we gotta be…we’ve got each other sharing the laughter, sharing the laughter and love.

I think I’m going to turn into a slice of cheese now.

5. Family Ties. I just really remember them painting that red shirt. I can’t recall the song at the moment because I have growing pains in my head right now. I just remember the end of the song was “Sha-la-laaaa….”
6. Cheers. I would only watch this show FOR the theme song. I should’ve really watched it “Sometimes you gotta go, where everybody knows your name..”
7. Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids..you can’t deny that beat and the HEY HEY HEY thingy
8. The Archies. Okay, this was an old cartoon but MAN it was catchy. I want to do an updated version of this show one day:

“Everyone’s Archie…Archie’s here…betty’s here, veronica too..reggie’s here…hey, jughead where are you? We wanna dance, we wanna sing, something something and go adventuring but blah blah blah and it ain’t complete…we ain’t the Archies without the Jughead beat. Oooh.. Archie’s here…betty’s here, veronica too, reggie’s here…and there’s jughead and hot dog too. (insert bad cowbell beat here) Everyone’s archie…c’mon let’s go…and start the archie show.”

AND THE BEST THEME SONG EVER!!!!

1. The Greatest American Hero. I could listen to this song on repeat. Don’t know the song? Yes you do:

“Something’s coming over me
I can’t believe it myself
Suddenly I’m on top of the world
It should’ve been somebody else
CHORUS: BELIEVE IT OR NOT I’M WALKING ON AIR
I never thought I could be so free-eee-ee
Flying away, on a wing and a prayer
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me”

Ahhh… I don’t know what came over me.

---

Survey 2: Commentary: This one went on a road trip with me a couple of months ago.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: w/the clan
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Memoirs of a Geisha
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? nothing spiffy
4. FAVORITE CARD GAME? Pisoy Dos, as well. However,
   is that the correct spelling?
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Vogue
6. FAVORITE SMELL? there are a few I enjoy… fresh
   flowers, my grandpa’s cooking, the ocean, sunscreen
   b/c it reminds me of summertime…oh and men’s
   deodorant…
7. FAVORITE SOUND? waves crashing @the beach
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? cramps and feeling
   bloated when one is on her period
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE
   UP? usually food
10. FAVORITE COLORS? black and tan
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? 2-3
    usually
12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? haven’t thought that far
    ahead
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? well, the most
    important factors in MY life are: carpe
    diem…fulfilling my passions & goals, never
    sacrificing my values & beliefs as well as treating
    people w/respect(karma)
14. FAVORITE FOODS? there’s a plethora…hmmm. for now
    I’ll say adobo and chicken caesar salads with freshly
    grated parmesan and lemon
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? depends on my mood. However,
    I do love both…dark chocolate truffles and vanilla
    milkshakes
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? hell yeah
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? yes
18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? cool from afar, scary when
    you’re actually in the midst of it (experienced this
    first hand in Kansas)
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO
    WOULD IT BE? Confucious…
20. FAVORITE DRINK? BOBA!!! thai as well as strawberry
21. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? taurus… I can be a bit
    stubborn @ times
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? ofcourse
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT
    BE? a pilot. That way I could fly anywhere I wanted.
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? I’ve only
    had highlights, I don’t think I could dye my hair any
    extreme color
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? I was too young to even
    comprehend the meaning of love
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? my coffee is
    half full @ the moment
27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Goonies
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
    yes
29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? I prefer to keep nothing
    under my bed…clutter under the bed aggravates me
30. FAVORITE NUMBER ? 9
31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? basketball…I have yet
    to attend a Laker game
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS
    TO YOU. sharon can get buck wild when the moment
    beckons
33. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? a
    bird
34. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? cinco de mayo
35. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? what kind of
    question is this?
36. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. that’s
    difficult…everyone I’ve ever met and loved has
    affected who I am today, so there’s not one specific
    person
37. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST
    LIKELY TO RESPOND: sharon and chad already have
38. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO
    RESPOND: no one

Next entry: A survey by a fellow Starbuckian.

This is probably the longest survey I have seen. I like filling them out.

I used to like filling out applications when I was looking for a job to work on my penmanship but now I hate it. However, because I filled out so many applications when I was younger (I’ve had…hmmm…lots of part-time jobs when I was younger) I memorized my driver’s license, my social security number, all of my friend’s addresses (Well, most of ’em. I actually write in references of people’s addresses I’ve memorized not necessarily people who would be good references)

All right, I’ve decided to start the survey series. This is the first survey. The next couple of surveys will be from people who a) read this journal or b) just had cool surveys.

If you are the former and you do not want your survey up here, please tell me so I can tell everyone how lame you are.

Okay, that was mean. I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be a nice person… okay, I digress…I present to you the first survey in the survey series:

*Date: 4-22/03
*Name: Sharon [middle name edited for content] Mayo
*Nicknames: I think my name is too short for a nickname.
*Age: 24
*Birthday: July 18
*School: Graduated NYU…the most expensive school on the planet. However, I was in the film program and was ALWAYS surrounded by hot guys. whew! California is such a disappointment nowadays.
*Location: San Diego
*E-mail: It is based after my favorite song by the master himself (next to Burt Bacharach), Ben Folds
*Color of eyes: brown
*Hair: It is purple now and I just got it cut. I’m one step away from being bald.
*Height: 5’5
*Shoe Size: You know, I’ve always thought shoe size and hand size had to do with a guy’s package. My theory has been proven wrong. (So guys with small hands, don’t worry, you’re good)
*Brothers/Sisters: Jasmine and Lester
*Who lives with you: I don’t know. I just live here
*When is your bedtime?: Usually around midnight. I do have bouts of insomnia however. The actor commentary on any dvd usually knocks me out. I prefer Lord of the Rings and listening to Elijah, Dominic..et al talk about TIG and imagine I am playing that made up game. I should make up a game..I digress

B A S I C Q U E S T I O N S
[love is]: an overused word
[if i could see one person right now]: I wouldn’t need my glasses. Did I read that wrong? Oh…a name? Hmm… Chris Rock doing new stand up. (If I had a boyfriend, it would probably be him. However, he does not exist in nature..but I think that would be the typical answer…”my wonderful boyfriend” Fuck that. Chris Rock doing stand up. Or a private concert with Ben Folds. Can I have two requests?)
[im afraid of]: being in a dead end job that has nothing to do with film and having my film degree go to waste. Being pretentious and finding out all my friends don’t think very highly of me.
[i dream about]: having a stable of men at my whim. Actually, I take that back. Having ONE man who has the energy of a stable of men. hee hee
[actually seen ur crush naked]: my crush? I don’t think…oh never mind. yes.
[been in love]: does it count if the dude was not in love with you?
[cried when someone died]: when I heard the news yes. At the funeral? Never.
[drank alcohol]: and stared at the volleyball. “Where’s your commitment Sharon?” “Was I supposed to hit it? I thought it was good if it went outside of the line” “Not if we’re the ones hitting it” “Oh…I’m DRUNK!”
[lied]: in order to manipulate.
[coke or pepsi]: DIET COKE
[flowers or candy]: Neither. think of something different. Sheesh. (My flowers died that’s why.)

——————HAVE YOU EVER——————
*Ever been so drunk you black out: no! let’s do it!

*Missed school Bus: Yes. Damn you NYU. The first time I had to catch a cab and pay $5.00 to get to class.

*Put a body part on fire for amusement: Would you think less of me if I said yes? (I wanted to see exactly HOW hot it was. However, I was stuck in a car and I had to wait for my mom to come back from the shopping mall. What if I died? I just didn’t have a index fingerprint for a month)

*Car Accident: I think I should count the days I WASN’T in an accident.

*Been hurt emotionally: NO! I’m invincible! I like having people hurt me on purpose. Gives me drama to talk about.

*Kept a secret from everyone: Until I was 21. I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!!

*Had an imaginary friend: Even my imaginary friends rejected me. He said I was too sarcastic.

*Wanted to hook up with a friend: hells yeah!

*Cried during a Movie: yes. I nearly drowned myself when Macaulay Culkin was attacked from bees. I was sobbing so hard (which resulted in hiccuping) when Anna Chlumsky was screaming that Macaulay Culkin wanted to be an acrobat. Sheesh. It still makes me sad.

*Had a crush on a teacher: Yeah. Gary Winick. He’s a hottie. ALL the girls were in that class for that guy. (and there were like 5 girls in film school)

*Ever thought an animated character was hot: Roger Rabbit. Probably because he made me laugh.

*Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Hells yeah. But it was when they weren’t cool anymore. I’m always playing catch up. I think everyone had moved on to Keith Sweat.

*Been on stage: Yes. I love making a fool of myself.

*Cut your hair: And how.

*Been sarcastic: Okay, here’s the deal. I personally don’t think sarcastic but all my friends say I’m one of the most sarcastic person they know. Which means a) they don’t know ANY sarcastic people thereby making my level sarcasm a much higher level that the standard b) my voice must need adjusting in tone. I think I sound sincere but they say I sound sarcastic. Even when I’m being really sincere they ask if I”m being sarcastic. I’m not being sarcastic now. (okay, maybe I am. No I’m not)

W I T H T H E O P P O S I T E S E X . . .
[what do u notice first?]: seriously, breath. Bad breath man are always screaming. If the person is far away, this is so shallow, but hair. I once knew this guy who was pretty cool and I liked him a bunch. He got his hair cut and all of a sudden he was HOT! all because of a hair cut.

[last person u slow danced with]: I seriously don’t know. People, I didn’t get my first kiss till I was 21!

[worst thing to say]: But you’re pretty! (after a rejection)

[scruff or clean shaven]: Oh god. I love clean shaven guys (watch Paul Walker in Joy Ride. That’s is one sexy mofo) However, I saw this show on MTV called High School Conspiracies and Pranks and these 12 guys superglued all of the classroom locks and let loose a bunch of bees. They were attractive but after watching that special and the guts it took for them to do that made me want to sleep with all of them. They were all clean shaven but had the bad boy thing about them. That’s the best. I like seemingly overacheiving guys who like to cause trouble. It’s a fantastic aphrodisiac.
(I once raped a guy because he screamed at a customer for being rude when we were both working at Starbucks)

[tall or short]: I love tall guys…around 5’10, 5’11 but I always seem to end up dating guys who are barely taller than me. Good thing I’m not a big heels wearer.

——————FAVORITES——————
*Shampoo: L’oreal?
*Soap: oh man, Irish Spring. I want to eat that soap sometimes.
*Color: Blue
*Day/Night: that’s a tough one.
*Summer/winter: How about fall?
*Lace or satin: Satin sheets are the BEST. (at the rate I’m going, I will probably never seem them again)
*Cartoon Character: Julie from THE MAXX
*Fave salad: Caesar (not tossed please)
*Fave Movie: Don’t even start with me on this one. Today it will be You CAn Count on Me.
*Fave Ice Cream: Cookies and Cream. Now I’m hungry. goddamnit.
*Fave Subject: Film
*Fave Person to talk to online: Kerbang. He makes me laugh.

W H O . . .
[makes u laugh the most?]: The most? Jennifer Derilo. Although Steve is right up there. My sister is a close third.
[makes you smile]: my sister
[gives u a funny feeling when u see them]: A funny feeling? Like diaherria? I suppose my friend Chad but I haven’t seen him in months. I suppose its more awkwardness that “funny”
[has a crush on u?]: not me.
[easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: boys definitely. Less judgmental by nature.

——————RIGHT NOW——————
*Wearing: a look of indifference
*Hair is: not in my face.
*I’m feeling: hungry
*Eating: my words
*Drinking: the fountain of unwitty banter
*Thinkin bout: what to do with my life
*Listening to: my bladder
*Talking to: myself.
*Watching: my life leaving me one minute at a time

sidenote: man, this is longer than I thought!

D O Y O U E V E R . . .

[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. u?]: What?! Okay, okay, I did it last year but it was only at work. And he was super cute.

[save aol/aim conversations]: I used to in college but I got bitter and erased all of them (they were of course from guys who I was dating at the time)

[cried because of someone saying something to u]: huh? are you asking what they said? Well, I once had a guy tell me “you are not the one” I think he should’ve just shot me. It would’ve been less painful. I’m going to use it a movie one day, so it’s a good thing he did it. It’s sort of funny now (note to self: write down for stand up comedy routine)

——————IN THE LAST 24 HRS——————
*Cried: I’m weeping inside

*Worn a skirt: because I was doing laundry.

*Met someone New: yup

*Cleaned your room: why clean your room when you can spend 10 hours filling out this survey (was that sarcasm? was my asking that question ‘was that sarcasm’ sarcasm?)

*Drove a car: HELLO! I live in California! (Hi Sharon)

H A V E Y O U E V E R . . .

[fallen for ur best friend]: it wasn’t fun. He is not my best friend anymore

[been rejected]: I think I hold the world record

[rejected someone]: I’m a terrible person.

[used someone]: He used me first!!

[been cheated on]: Now, this is hypothetical, but if I was the “other woman” would that mean when he went to his girlfriend that he was “cheating” on me? Especially if I was aware of this? Remember, this is hypothetical

[done something u regret]: nah. being humiliated is good writing material

—————DO YOU BELIEVE IN——————
*Yourself: sometimes. I think sometimes I overcompensate by being pretentious to hide the fact that I doubt myself.

*Your friends: some of them.

*Santa Claus: Is he supposed to be Jesus? I’m confused.

*Tooth Fairy: I never got shit for losing my teeth.

*Angels: Yeah. Hi Christian

*Ghosts: Supposedly I was possessed once and it scared the crap of my family. So, I guess I have to, eh?

*UFO’s: I think my friend Wilbur is one (ha ha ha)

*God: Is he supposed to be Jesus? I’m confused.

W H O W A S T H E L A S T P E R S O N . . .
[u talked to]: my friend Karen

[hugged]: Wilbur, but that’s just how we say “later loser”

[u instant messaged]: John from a couple of nights ago.

[u laughed with]: Wallaine. I think I said something about chicken sandwiches.

Sheesh. this is sooo long!!

——————FRIENDS AND LIFE——————
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Why are you trying to depress me? I have never had a boyfriend. I”ve only had FTF or better known as F&$ buddies. I can’t seem to figure out the relationship equation.

*Like anyone?: I only hang out with people I like. Even if I like them in small doses. I have a pretty good tolerance level.

*Who have you known the longest of your friends: Jirrah, since birth.

*Who’s the loudest: that’s hard because usually I’m the loud one. Probably Kay when we’re arguing about Sean William Scott or Sean Scott (she saw DIARY three times! His name is Sean Scott goddamnit!)

*Who’s the shyest: hmmm…. Angela? but she’s not shy, she just knows who she wants to be friends with. She has standards (unlike me I guess.)

*Who’s the weirdest: usually I’m the weirdest but..it would probably be a tie between my friends Cooper and Wilbur. They’re both really weird cats.

*Who do you go to for advice: by default, my co-workers. That’s because I see them everyday. But usually, my friend Angela or Cooper. Michael Baker when he’s available.

*Who do you cry with: if the corner of my bedroom was a person, it would be with that guy. Crying in a fetal position is the best. I also like the staring in the mirror and having one tear go down your cheek thing. Oh, and crying in the rain is great too. Always add “WHY GOD WHY????!!!!”

*Whats the best feeling in the world: laughing really hard with your close friends. Although the feeling that a boyfriend (or in my case, FTF) is thinking about you and tells you that he is thinking about you (and all the things he can’t wait to do to you). But, yeah, I could be sentimental schmuck. I just get really embarrassed.

*Worst Feeling: thinking that nobody cares about your sorry ass is pretty bad.
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*Finish time: This took me ONE HOUR to do! And I can type fast!

H A V E Y O U / D O Y O U / A R E Y O U

[color your hair]: and how. (I”m running out of things to say here people)

[habla espanol]: no me gusta espanol.

[smoke]: unfortunately. and after a kickboxing class.

[obsessive]: I’m more paranoid than obsessive.

[could u live without the computer?]: The Matrix has me. Too bad. I’m too dependent.

[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?]: I have to count it? like 60 but I like talk to 5.

[what’s your favorite food?]: Key Lime Pie.

[whats ur favorite fruit?]: Is Key Lime a fruit? Or pumpkin? (I want a piece of pie right now)

[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]:
Pain makes you feel alive (I don’t know the answer to this question) I think emotional because that shit lasts over a couple of months whereas physical pain can last days. But I work for workers comp so physical pain can also last years. I don’t know. I haven’t had kids yet. I’ll tell you then.

[trust others way too easily?]: yeah. Learned my lesson. Trust No-One says X-Files. (Every now and then I’ll let one slip through the cracks ) But seriously, it takes a lot to earn my trust. But once you’ve got it though, you’ve got it for life.

F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S . . .
[i want]: a good boyfriend

[i wish]: I was a famous and critically acclaimed writer/director/filmmaker

[i miss]: the feeling of a person next to me who just rocked my world. Sigh. I think I’ve reached my quota guys. My virginity is growing back.

[i fear]: being a failure.

[i hear]: my bed calling my name

[i wonder]: if I’ll ever get married and name my kid Bob like I keep telling people I will.

Sheesh. this was long.

My hair was a light reddish colour. I decided to go for the “girl-next-door” look (eh?) and dye it a chocolate brown colour.

What happened? I now have purple hair.

However, people LOVE the purple hair. Hmm.

I have nothing interesting to say now. My life is boring.

Things I have learned from dates (not that I’ve been on any)

1. Guys can actually talk to slow. I never knew that conversation pace would be an issue but man, say the damn SENTENCE already! I tend to like guys who talk fast and/ or animatedly.
2. First date, guys who have bleach on their shirts, thus, the splotchy bleach look, is annoying.

Okay, that’s enough. I don’t even like guys anyway. I’m going to try the other side, being a hemaphrodite. Man, that’s like satisfaction all the time.

Today is Good Friday. Not for me, I guess.

We just got a call from the head honcho of our law firm (Our law firm’s name is Gray and Prouty and Mr. Gray just called) and he said we could all go home early. Instead of 5pm, we could go home at 3pm.

Oh, I still get paid for the full day and everything. But one feeling washes over me : dread.

Why? Because I’m a loser.

How am I a loser? Whilst a typical well-adjusted person would celebrate at the two extra hours on their Friday night, I came to the thought…what the hell (heezy) am I going to do?

So, I go the phones and call my “friends” or rather, to my dismay, the lack thereof. I call my friend Wilbur, he is not answering his phone. I call my friend Tyler, he is going out with his girlfriend, Kathleen (who is also a close friend of mine, so that kills two people), I call my sister–doesn’t answer her phone. I call my friend Jennifer, she is with her boyfriend and is not sure if her boyfriend wants to go out. At this point, I wonder if I should go on and get more rejections.

Now, this isn’t anyone’s fault because everyone has lives except for me. I think I shall drive to Arizona and contemplate how to become a cactus. Could I grow needles I wonder? Maybe I’m losing my sanity.

However, the aforementioned debacle may have to do with planning. When I lived on the east coast, I would call like one or two people and BAM! Plans. Here its like 16 or 17 people and Ping! Lukewarm ambiguity. This, of course, is under the impression I even know that many people.

So, it looks like I’m going to face the Friday night movie theater…ALONE.

Or just hang out with a friend whom I really don’t want to hang out with. Would that be better than being alone? Or buy a Lisa Marie Presley cd. I want to see she writes any lyrics about the emergence of her love for Michael (Jackson, that is) and the inevitable dissolution.

On a slightly more positive note, I got a letter from NYU saying that if I can write a script about science or making scientists look good, they will give me $75,000.00 to make the film. Assuming, of course, that my script is any good. Now, how the HELL am I supposed to write about science. The things I vaguely remember being a pre-med student was that PV=nRT (R being the rate constant of like, 0.0086721 or something and n being moles…but NOTHING in nature is in moles. You gotta convert that crap from grams), um, the periodic table and what the elements mean, Delta S is entropy (aka spontaneity/chaos) and LEOGR.

I once made up a song to remember LEOGR. It was to the tune to New Kids on the Block hit, “The Right Stuff” but instead, I would sing ‘Oh, oh, ooooh-oh, oh, oh, ohoh, oh oh ooooh oh..LEOGR”

It was something that like Less ELectrons= Oxidizing and Greater Electron= Not Oxidizing (I forgot what the R meant) Was that right?

Anyway, I’m going to drown my miseries in Diet Coke and ponder the meaning of Chinese Food and its nutritional value

I made a bet with a friend of mine yesterday. A warning to the betting virgins– I NEVER lose a bet. I can’t remember a time that I had to do something degrading or out of fear because I lost a bet.

Anyway, so we made this bet and if I lose, I have to do a charcoal drawing, an 11×13 (sidenote: I used to do charcoal drawings the first two years of college when I was still going to SDSU) of an ASS. Literally a man’s ass. Of course, he wanted (the guy I bet with) me to include a highly decorative tattoo on one of the buttcheeks. Now, what could I draw? I haven’t done charcoal in a while, so I should brush up on my artiste (accent on the last e) skills.

On a different note, I played chess with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and needless to say he DEMOLISHED me. I was stunned yet slightly entertained. Since I moved back to San Diego (tomorrow will be my one year anniversary) every person I’ve played has been checkmated by yours truly. However, this person has been playing chess since he was an infant. We stipulated to recovene in three months time after some hardcore training. So I talked to my friend John last night and asked him for some training tips. He was hardcore “Listen, this is what you have to do…” and began to list off the checklist of To Do’s to check chess ass.

Once I win (in three months time) I’m going to lift the chess board and swipe all the chess pieces (in slow motion of course) and tell my competitor to get on his knees and PICK ALL THE PIECES UP GODDAMNIT! Then I will raise my arms in the air and yell “This is for John “Chessmaster” Gates! And ADRIAN!!!!”

Whew, got a little riled up there. I have to get riled up about something nowadays. I’m pretty boring. I watch movies. I read books. I rack up long distance bills with friends whom I wished lived here so I could get out the damn house.

One more thing: I read my journal from approximately a year ago (can you believe I’ve been writing in this thing for a year?) and man, I actually had life. Going places, had friends, lots of sex. Now, I’m depressed. Whatever happened to it? Word of advice: If you want sex work at Starbucks. Like I’m really going to meet somebody in a law firm.

Well..actually, the lawyer I work for, his son came in and he was HOT! I wonder if I could get a date with him, although he’s only 21. But each time he comes in here, he gets hotter and hotter. What is that?

All right, back to work.

MEDFORD, OR — Scissors defeated rock Monday, marking the cutting instrument’s first-ever victory over its longtime nemesis. Scissors, which had lost to rock an estimated 44 million times before the win, was widely expected to lose the match. “It was incredible,” witness Maria Wellsey said. “The rock was trying to smash the scissors, but it just couldn’t. Then all of a sudden, the scissors got up and cut right through the rock, just like it was paper or something.” Rock has lost its last two matches, including Friday’s defeat at the hands of paper, which easily covered the helpless stone.

[Taken by the hilarious paper, THE ONION, November 28, 1995)

Okay, I have a weird sense of humor, but this cracked me up BIG TIME.

Today is Sunday, April 13th.

I have two more days to do my taxes.

Today I did not do a damn thing. I woke up, ate, and went back to sleep. Then I woke up again, watched “Inside the Actor’s Studio” (I primarily wanted to watch Bernadette Peters sing “Sunday in the Park (or in french “parque”) with George”, a song I absolutely love, especially when when my extremely talented ex-roommate used to sing it (she’s fucking GOOOD) )) Then I went to sleep again, as I heard A&E talk about John Travolta and how Quentin Tarantino hired him for Pulp Fiction drone on in the background. I woke up again and called my friend John in Massachusetts to talk about the upcoming road trip/wedding that we are going on at the end of April. Of course, we both like conversation so we ended up talking about everything but, but I love talking to John, so the ramblings were well worth. What’s much more exciting is that he now has an online journal. If anyone is a funnier writer than I, it would be John. But, of sake of his privacy (I’m not sure how much he wants) I will not put his link up.

Other than sleeping the day away (something you have to do sporadically) I kept looking at my tax forms and my car manual.

Yup, I read the car manual instead. SHEESH!!!